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Got this in our Issues / Requests system:
SFTP channel for RHB
SFTP ==> should be Secure File Transfer Protocol (or Standard or Special...)
RHB ==> Swiss Regional train company running to Saint-Moritz (nothing to do with computers, but the only one I can think about)
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HTML5, Out of box, traction, Win-Win, On the same page, Align, synergy etc
SAAS : for Software as service example AWS[Amazon Web services](another buzzword right), iCloud, Salesforce
PAAS : Plateform as a Service example Windows Azure, Force.com
B2B : Business to Business
B2C : Business to Customer
what i hate most is The Cloud
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Message Automatically Removed
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The question what exactly defines "native look and feel" never gets awnsered
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If you've done some project that involved "Meaningful use". Your project manager,"Bless their heart", is such a "great" person.
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4, actually, used in sequence: "Managed Metadata Taxonomy Infrastructure".
I still haven't figured out what that means. 
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Someone who starts a subsidiary; owner of a company within a company.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
if you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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"Engaging" is a buzzword for the Marketing people around me. "It needs to be engaging"... okay, so, explain what you mean by "engaging".
..their definition changes every time I ask them to define "engaging".. and believe me, they like to throw that word around a lot.
If you don't succeed, redefine success!
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It actually is not even a word, more a 'buzz syllable': App
'App' is very similar to the sound I make when punched with a fist, but obviously some marketing guys came to the conclusion that we all are only able to communicate with grunts and would not understand anything with more than one syllable. Anyway, I wonder how popular this 'word' is going to be when the gold rush finally is over.
At least artificial intelligence already is superior to natural stupidity
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Some people at my company are considering Liferay as a possible replacement for SharePoint and Umbraco. Wanting to learn more about it, I came across that page, and here are a few nuggets I found:
Quote: Liferay Portal is an enterprise web platform for building business solutions that deliver immediate results and long-term value.
I know I like "long-term value" and "immediate results" when "building business solutions". Sounds like a useful "enterprise web platform".
Quote: Start Delivering Value Today
Why, just the other day I was talking about delivering value. I can't wait! 
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Just saw this in the Lounge, it's the first time I've heard this and it's already making me shudder.
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I believe "predictioneering" is a Golden Guru exclusive.
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Not to belittle a guy's attempt to find work, but if having to promote yourself in the following manner is the new norm, then heaven help us.
"(I'm an) analytical thinker and creative problem solver who effectively collaborates with multifunctional high-performance teams.”
Chris Meech
I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar]
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra]
posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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A small business recently told me this as why they weren't hiring right now.
Sincerely Yours,
Brian Hart
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WTF is 'Action'! What happened to 'Do'? Does management have nothing better to 'action' with their time than think up punchy alternatives to acceptable English?
Danny
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1. think outside the box (16%)
2. circle back (15%)
3. synergy (14%)
4. it is what it is (13%)
5. touch base (13%)
So let's get outside the tent and back peddle to get it on as that's just touching cloth.
[Have I got it right?]
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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I read this in a Quarterly Update email sent out by a particular telephony company. I think it adequately states what I'm rarely thinking:
"We are aligning around a single 'Technology Partner' designation that is more indicative of our co-marketing relationship..."
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At my previous employment my boss had promised a raise and after the time came and still no raise I emailed and asked about it. A small portion of his response was "we are making minimal adjustments among managers to create additional parity." That was his way of saying, yes, your pay raise will be on the next pay check.
He was so good at using so many words and never actually saying anything.
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Just saw a former employer post an ad for this position. Sounds like a dream job if you like sitting there all day and twiddling your thumbs! No coding involved! Scrum meetings lasted 5 minutes per day when I was there, and we never needed a dedicated "master."
Craigslist Troll: litaly@comcast.net
"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. "
— Hunter S. Thompson
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buzzword by marketing guru's to trick simpletons new on the web into buying far too expensive services (cloud: originating from the fact that the internet used to be represented in slides and presentations as a little cloud) - e.g. check amazons AWS site at http://aws.amazon.com/[^] and read and weep at the incomprehensible mambojambo to get sites up and running at ridiculous prices
nevertheless if you're not into the cloud you must be....
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Just got a message from a distributor.
"Wanted to try and pulse you in regard to a possible visit...."
Uh, sorry not gonna happen.
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Somebody at my company said in a meeting that he devised a plan that "leverages the synergies" of two departments. There were so many phrases like this uttered that my mind eventually turned off and this was all I could remember.
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"we also need to develop new and compelling alternatives to prevent non-traditional competitors from disintermediating us and commoditizing our value proposition in the future"
Yeah, that's what we need.
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There is an idea called "plus one". If you do just one extra thing (a day, a week, whatever), you will get more done than the competition, and you will overcome them. In an email from the president of the company, this phrase was uttered:
Company President wrote: "Plus 1" will be our force-multiplier.
There you go, folks, two buzzwords in one post. That's my plus one for the day. 
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No it is not.
Figure out which one is it and let me know; then I'll consider your product.
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As in: "The company has on-boarded one hundred new clients in the past year." 
(This was said in a webinar I was subjected to today.)
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I used to work with this guy who said "Noted and agreed" all the time as a way to dismiss whatever point it was you were trying to make and move on to whatever it was he was bloviating about on that day. I wish I had stopped him just once to call him on it since it was clear that nothing was being noted, and he certainly didn't agree with the point being made.
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http://comcreditfreereport.com/shawcor-ltd-announces-first-quarter-2010-results.html[^]
In its favour, it's the first time I've seen the word hebdomad outside a literary text, but that's tarnished somewhat by the fact that it's being used by an idiot who's obviously only using it to sound clever (but who also obviously doesn't know that words which start with a vowel sound take the article "an", not "a").
The most annoying part of the page is the "Comments are closed" statement. There are a few I'd have liked to have made.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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The company I work for decided to revamp the criteria for employees to achieve their goals and thereby receive their annual bonus. Now I can achieve 100% of my goals, but get no bonus at all if my manager feels that I was not "engaged" as part of achieving my goals. What the heck does that mean!? I told my manager that I drive an hour and a half just to get to work. Once I walk through the door I'm officially "engaged". Based on his reaction I don't think I'll be getting a bonus this year. 
-NP
Never underestimate the creativity of the end-user.
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Hokay, try section 5.7[^] on for size. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.
"WPF has many lovers. It's a veritable porn star!" - Josh Smith As Braveheart once said, "You can take our freedom but you'll never take our Hobnobs!" - Martin Hughes.
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Onyx
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Something that happens by pure genius or coincidence.
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Not really a "buzzword", but I'm always amused by how the crime shows (in this case, CSI Miami) butcher technical terms
The shout of progress is not "Eureka!" it's "Strange... that's not what i expected". - peterchen
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Just came up with that today, after looking at an online reservation system and my head started spinning around like on the Exorcist.
- S
50 cups of coffee and you know it's on!
Code, follow, or get out of the way.
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what you're telling me....
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If you have a daily meeting and you have simply just changed the appointment to say "DAILY SCRUM" you are not doing agile development.
How did this word end up in the hands (or mouths) of every person from senior management to janitors?
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When you have Scott Guthrie and an elite business school vectoring toward the same point, it doesn't take much out-of-the-box thinking to see what will happen when they collide. It's a perfect storm for jargoneering (that's a buzzword of my own, which is short for "jargon engineering.")
The result of this horrible experiment-gone-wrong can be found at http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=1920 .
And at the end of the day, jargoneering is not rocket science. Just forget about parts of speech or providing a useful service, and master the misleading metaphor.
Here are a few of the key takeaways from Scott's little talk (webinar?):
"The second way we will monetize is by having a connection with customers who are building these types of experiences."
"The mobile space is interesting. There's the technical of how you get the software built for it." (Even the interviewer couldn't stomach Scott's innovative use of "technical" as a noun, and the transcript actually inserts "[issue]." )
"Obviously, we have a lot of apps that we build, not just in the developer's space, but in the knowledge productivity space and the enterprise space." ("Obvious" and "meaningless" are apparently synonmous now).
I was over in the "knowledge productivity space" the other day and it smelled like someone spilled coffee or something under the refrigerator.
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Describing a recent hire at a client location. "...he will be a boots on the ground for us..."
The latest nation. Procrastination.
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"High Touch Issue"
As opposed to what?!?! a "Low Touch Issue" ... how bout the "Stop Touching Me Issue" ... Unless you want me to touch you ... No. wait. That's something else entirely.
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I am watching the local news, and just heard the phrase e-tail, to mean online retail.
I would have been impressed, however, if it had referred to a way to meet ladies of I'll repute online.
CCC solved so far: 2 (including a Hard One!)
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"We recently held a transformation bazaar to look at different system changes which could be implemented across the system but while making sure we maintain quality, adopt innovation and really grasp the prevention agenda."
(NHS is National Health Service for those not in the UK)
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As a non-American the word store to me means a place where things are kept. Our army have weapon stores and you sure cant buy a land mine there.
A shop is a place where retail activity occurs. When I hear "Apple store" I think of a room full of boxes of apples.
Anyways....I went to the Apple Store a little while ago to see about getting one of these new iPhones. I was served by a teenager who was chewing gum, bopping to the god awful music (do they hand out disco pills every morning?) and told me I needed to have a shopping appointment (interestingly not a storing appointment by thats irrelevant). I asked to make one only to be told I had to do it on line. People queue up for this sh*t?
I wish I was as fortunate
as fortunate as me
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Webalation: a revaltion when sufing the web.
e.g. Gerrard had quite a webalation when searching for his girlfriend on facebook, as discovered her true name is Dave.
Pray god this one doesn't catch on.
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This is a phrase I try to use occasionally to mean an issue no one could have foresaw but which needs to be addressed, and with some degree of urgency. Feel free to use it.
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It's not a word. The word is colleague. I know it's hard to spell and it sounds a little French but there is no such thing as a co-worker. If you really dislike the work colleague then use the term work mate.
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