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You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I'll bang you on a table.

I've got this life changing appointment at the bank this afternoon. I'm so nervous I can hardly get the stocking over my head.

Me and my recliner go way back.

I can hear music coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jammin' again.

What time do you go to a dentist?
Tooth hurty

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils

Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise

I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet.

Diarrhea is hereditory; it runs in your jeans.

Wind turbines. I'm a huge fan.

Ever had sex while camping? It's ****ing intents.

A farmer had a wooden tractor, with wooden wheels and a wooden engine. And guess what... IT WOODEN GO!

There's a new type of broom out. It's sweeping the nation

What do you call a cow with no legs? Grounded beef

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE

I'd hate to be a midget chef. The steaks are too high.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Just got back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that counts.

Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something.

Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female overreaction!

I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He's going to be pissed when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost.

I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****!

I swear medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

My girlfriend left me because of my addiction to steroids. So I threw her car into a tree.

www.stealthadventures.co.za

What about the awfull chuck norris onliners? Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there. Hmm i wonder why its doing that......ARGHS NO STOP, ROLLBACK ROLLBACK...F*** That's how i learned to "Always Backup"!! Dogs are man's best Friend, Cats are man's adorable little serial killer
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egenis wrote: I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ***! LOL. I hadn't heard that one. Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar]* In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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You need to get out more...

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

If you remove the final word "more", then I think you've nailed it. Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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Two new jokes and only the first was funny.

The rest deserve Thumbs Down | :thumbsdown:

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

So down vote 'em! Oh, no - we can't! If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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My only recourse is to go to member profile and 'report as spammer' then 'report as abuse'.

I need those reps man, just one or two to see me through the day. It's not like I'm an addict, I just need the pick-me-up.

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

Oh dear. This could get nasty... If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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What could possibly go wrong? We're the only ones who know about it and I've already set up my suck-poppits to obliterate you...

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

www.stealthadventures.co.za
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...a dyslexic walks into a bra...
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hoernchenmeister wrote: a dyslexic Do you mean "a dyslectic"??? Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011 ----- Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach ----- Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo! ----- Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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No, dyslexic was right... I double checked the dictionary and it stated that both could be used though... Is dyslectic more common?
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as common as bra. Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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A lot of these were new to me, and some of them even funny! Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011 ----- Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach ----- Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo! ----- Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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