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0) The time difference between thinking you need to pee and HAVING TO PEE RIGHT NOW reduces.
1) You have a pair of spectacles in every room in the house.
2) You know as fact that there has been no good music since [Insert Year of Choice].
3) You buy clothes for comfort and warmth, not style.
4) You are quite prepared to complain, in public, and loudly, and have no embarrassment about drawing attention to yourself.
5) Once you get started on a thing you tend to go on further than you intended.
6) Young people start speaking a different language.
7) You can remember the recession before last.
8) You remember every sports commentator actually playing the sport they are commentating about.
9) You cannot do two nights out on the trot.
10) Knees. Back. Feet. Hips.
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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11) Begining lists with '0'.
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Bingo!
I've got the lot except for the glasses thing. One pair of over priced varrifocals that I can never find.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: that I can never find.
because you're wearing them?
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I used to have varifocals, but I went back to separate reading + distance pairs, simply because I could never do anything above my head. Because I had the VFs I never had reading glasses on me, so if I needed to use a screwdriver, or plug a cable in I had to tip my head back so far I still couldn't see the damn thing!
So now I carry two pairs all the time, and always have the wrong glasses on... 
I can't win here.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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Dalek Dave wrote: 5) Once you get started on a thing you tend to go on further than you intended.
Your list goes to 10 ... QED! 
"State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful"
Chris C-B
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He started with 0, so his list goes to 11[^].
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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No no no, his list goes to 10, but it starts at 0, so there are 11 of them.
"State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful"
Chris C-B
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0) I can still get from the pub in Derby to Pride Park Stadium after three pints, but only just. If there is a queue at the turnstiles I start to panic a little.
1) Eyes and teeth are the only parts of me that are in perfect working order.
2) 1985, But I've known this since I was 17.
3) I just wear whatever the wife gets me for Christmas and birthday
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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ChrisElston wrote: 3) I just wear whatever the wife gets me for Christmas and birthday
Do you go to Pride Park in your birthday suit?
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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She bought me a Derby shirt one year, and had Elston printed on the back. She didn't know better, but I had to wear it to a home game.
Every time I stood up to shout at the players or referee someone behind would yell "Oi! Elston! Si'dahn". Then more and more picked up on it. Bloody nightmare.
Not long after we started seeing each other she liked a 'keeper top we had, so I bought her one. Discussing if she wanted anything on the back I asked if she wanted a number, she asked like what? I said how about 8. She said why 8? I said, well 88 is two fat ladies. She has quite a decent punch to be fair.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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Ladies in football kits turn me on.
Except if they are lady footballers, they tend to be a bit butch.
But I got Michelle the England top and I must say it help me score a few times.
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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yeah - well it's pretty easy to score against england these days ...
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When I was in my early 20s I was seeing for a while a very rude young lady who was a Villa season ticket holder. She wanted me to 'perform' in my Derby shirt, but I couldn't do it to the shirt because she was a Villa fan.
One memorable evening she managed to squeeze herself into my old cub scout uniform. This story is no longer suitable for the internet, and the internet is a very open-minded place.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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Dib Dib Dib!
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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Dalek Dave wrote: I got Michelle the England top and I must say it help me score a few times
Yes, but only because there's a remote control that came with it ...
and when you push the button the top turns into a straitjacket. 
Cheers!
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability!"
Ron White, Comedian
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Is inability to count one of the 5 signs? 
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
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Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
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Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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Not having a sense of humour?
see point 5.
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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I was merely implementing point 4... 
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
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Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
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Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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Touché!
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I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave
CCC Link[ ^]
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Damn I'm officially old. 
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There was no good music since.....
...Mozart????
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
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Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
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Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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Mozart was so advanced that by the time he was 4 he was 7.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
Shed Petition[ ^]
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