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GeneralCCC 10/10/12 Pin
Dalek Dave9-Oct-12 22:10
memberDalek Dave9-Oct-12 22:10 
GeneralRe: CCC 10/10/12 Pin
Abhinav S9-Oct-12 22:21
mvpAbhinav S9-Oct-12 22:21 
GeneralRe: CCC 10/10/12 Pin
Dalek Dave9-Oct-12 22:33
memberDalek Dave9-Oct-12 22:33 
GeneralRe: CCC 10/10/12 Pin
Abhinav S9-Oct-12 22:35
mvpAbhinav S9-Oct-12 22:35 
GeneralRe: CCC 10/10/12 Pin
TPFKAPB9-Oct-12 22:33
memberTPFKAPB9-Oct-12 22:33 
GeneralMQOTD Pin
V.9-Oct-12 21:30
memberV.9-Oct-12 21:30 
GeneralRe: MQOTD Pin
Dalek Dave9-Oct-12 21:37
memberDalek Dave9-Oct-12 21:37 
GeneralRe: MQOTD Pin
OriginalGriff9-Oct-12 21:37
mvpOriginalGriff9-Oct-12 21:37 
GeneralRe: MQOTD Pin
V.9-Oct-12 21:42
memberV.9-Oct-12 21:42 
GeneralRe: MQOTD Pin
Nagy Vilmos9-Oct-12 22:08
memberNagy Vilmos9-Oct-12 22:08 
GeneralRe: MQOTD Pin
DeathByChocolate9-Oct-12 22:43
memberDeathByChocolate9-Oct-12 22:43 
GeneralProblem recording Pin
hayrob9-Oct-12 21:15
memberhayrob9-Oct-12 21:15 
GeneralRe: Problem recording Pin
Richard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 22:38
mvpRichard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 22:38 
JokeMore laywer jokes Pin
Ravi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 17:36
memberRavi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 17:36 
Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they're boring.

Q: What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?
A: A jury.

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
A: They're both extinct.

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
A: Senator.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller

Q: What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.

Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.

Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

/ravi
My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536
Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware
ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Roger Wright9-Oct-12 17:59
memberRoger Wright9-Oct-12 17:59 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Ravi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 18:01
memberRavi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 18:01 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Roger Wright9-Oct-12 18:51
memberRoger Wright9-Oct-12 18:51 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Nueman9-Oct-12 18:05
memberNueman9-Oct-12 18:05 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Ravi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 18:11
memberRavi Bhavnani9-Oct-12 18:11 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Michael Bergman9-Oct-12 18:22
memberMichael Bergman9-Oct-12 18:22 
Generalour legal system Pin
devvvy9-Oct-12 21:13
memberdevvvy9-Oct-12 21:13 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
J4amieC9-Oct-12 21:18
memberJ4amieC9-Oct-12 21:18 
GeneralRe: More laywer jokes Pin
Pete O'Hanlon9-Oct-12 22:52
protectorPete O'Hanlon9-Oct-12 22:52 
GeneralAnother lawyer joke Pin
Tom Clement9-Oct-12 16:01
mentorTom Clement9-Oct-12 16:01 
GeneralRe: Another lawyer joke Pin
Roger Wright9-Oct-12 17:25
memberRoger Wright9-Oct-12 17:25 
JokeThe first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
wizardzz9-Oct-12 11:13
memberwizardzz9-Oct-12 11:13 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
0bx9-Oct-12 11:17
member0bx9-Oct-12 11:17 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
wizardzz9-Oct-12 11:21
memberwizardzz9-Oct-12 11:21 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
jim lahey9-Oct-12 22:17
memberjim lahey9-Oct-12 22:17 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
wizardzz10-Oct-12 4:00
memberwizardzz10-Oct-12 4:00 
JokeRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
AspDotNetDev9-Oct-12 11:42
protectorAspDotNetDev9-Oct-12 11:42 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
wizardzz9-Oct-12 11:48
memberwizardzz9-Oct-12 11:48 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
lewax009-Oct-12 15:54
memberlewax009-Oct-12 15:54 
GeneralRe: The first Lady Gaga post that is relevant to IT (she met Julian Assange at the embassy) Pin
Bassam Abdul-Baki10-Oct-12 1:08
memberBassam Abdul-Baki10-Oct-12 1:08 
GeneralAnother Darwin Award contender Pin
Shameel9-Oct-12 10:48
memberShameel9-Oct-12 10:48 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
mark merrens9-Oct-12 10:51
membermark merrens9-Oct-12 10:51 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
0bx9-Oct-12 11:31
member0bx9-Oct-12 11:31 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
mark merrens9-Oct-12 11:35
membermark merrens9-Oct-12 11:35 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
0bx9-Oct-12 12:10
member0bx9-Oct-12 12:10 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
mark merrens9-Oct-12 12:24
membermark merrens9-Oct-12 12:24 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
enhzflep9-Oct-12 23:32
memberenhzflep9-Oct-12 23:32 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
Michael Martin 9-Oct-12 12:42
member Michael Martin 9-Oct-12 12:42 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
PaulowniaK9-Oct-12 14:12
memberPaulowniaK9-Oct-12 14:12 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
Richard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 22:49
mvpRichard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 22:49 
GeneralRe: Another Darwin Award contender Pin
jkirkerx9-Oct-12 17:54
memberjkirkerx9-Oct-12 17:54 
GeneralPoor me! Pin
Meysam Tolouee9-Oct-12 9:41
memberMeysam Tolouee9-Oct-12 9:41 
GeneralRe: Poor me! Pin
Pete O'Hanlon9-Oct-12 9:45
protectorPete O'Hanlon9-Oct-12 9:45 
GeneralRe: Poor me! Pin
Richard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 10:22
mvpRichard MacCutchan9-Oct-12 10:22 
AnswerRe: Poor me! Pin
Meysam Tolouee9-Oct-12 10:34
memberMeysam Tolouee9-Oct-12 10:34 
GeneralRe: Poor me! Pin
Slacker00710-Oct-12 0:34
memberSlacker00710-Oct-12 0:34 

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