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Busted 
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The sixth grade class was on a field trip when the weather turned dangerous, so the trip was delayed. They checked into a hotel for the night.
Little Johnny was assigned to the same room as his teacher. During the night, she woke up to find Little Johnny standing beside her bed. "Teacher, can I sleep with you? I'm scared." "Oh, okay." Little Johnny climbed in bed.
A few minutes later, he asked, "Teacher, can I cuddle with you? I'm lonely." "Oh, okay."
A few minutes later, "Teacher, can I put my finger in your belly button?" "No way." "But Mommy lets me. It helps when I can't sleep." His teacher relented, "Oh, okay, fine, if your Mom lets you."
Seconds later, the teacher said "That's not my bellybutton, Johnny!" Johnny replied, "And that's not my finger, Teach!"
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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What sets anal sex apart from regular sex?
Regular sex can make your day,
but anal sex can make your hole weak
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Unfortunately, this is one of those aural sex jokes.
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Don't you have one of those voices in your head that reads written text to you when you read something?
Or is it just me... I don't pay attention to them though...
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Oh, the irony...
That's why I said "aural sex". 
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Father and son in supermarket.
"Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
modified 31 Oct '12 - 2:34.
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12 times a year and you are married (with children?)
Maybe having a couple of them labeled 2012, 2013, 2014... would do the job
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Mine are.
But the date has a prefix: "Use before end"
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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Doesn't it defeat the whole purpose if they aren't on the end?
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The other day I saw a magic beanstalk, so I decided to climb it. As I went up, I saw the ugliest woman you've ever seen naked on a leaf.
She said, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."
Without thinking, I carried on climbing. The next woman I saw wasn't bad. I mean, you would do her, but you wouldn't brag about it.
She too beckoned to me saying, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."
So again, I carried on climbing. The next woman I saw was beautiful, I mean, really really hot.
She said, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."
I could only think of what the next woman would be like, so carried on climbing, and was shocked to see an old man standing on a leaf, naked.
I was so outraged, I said, "Who the f-uck are you?"
He replied, "I'm Cess."
www.stealthadventures.co.za
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My dyslexic girlfriend text me from the shop asking if i'd like anything brought home. I was delighted when she brought home some filthy magazines with images of naked police women. All I asked for was some popcorn.
www.stealthadventures.co.za
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I sent a text to my wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back,"Omg really?"
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
www.stealthadventures.co.za
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6% of men enjoy a bj for sexual satisfaction,
6% enjoy it for visual stimulation
and the other 88% just enjoy it for the peace & quiet.
www.stealthadventures.co.za
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Hello recently my 3d personal blog came to a year of existence, I invite you to visit it and to make critics to it
Thanks in advance!!!
Vasily
ups I almost forgot http://vasilydev.blogspot.com
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Why did you post this here? I don't see anything Soapboxy about it. Rather than adding all that peace and love stuff at the end of your posts, why don't you add a signature which links to this? You could use something along the lines of "My adventures in 3D coding: Blog[^]", then it won't disappear off the page in a couple of days time.
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Its the OCR implanted in your brain not working, havent you read the word [moved] beside the title
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I did, but this seemed the least appropriate forum. 
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Would you be so kind and make that a clickable link?
Yeah. I know I'm a lazy bum.
Cheers!
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability!"
Ron White, Comedian
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Vasily Tserekh wrote: ups I almost forgot http://vasilydev.blogspot.com
Yes, and as usual you forgot to make it clickable. 
One of these days I'm going to think of a really clever signature.
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Tony Blackburn was invited to a glitzy Hollywood pool party by some showbiz friends. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him. The host said to our Tone "You deaf prat Blackburn. I said bring a pair of Speedos".
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A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
Mum?" he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet" she replied.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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easy couple of points.
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Marry the right woman and you are complete. Marry the wrong woman and you are finished. But let the right woman catch you with the wrong woman and you are completely finished! 
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her a**hole does during an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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Today's treespam included something from "http://getliberty.org/" marked "VOTE HISTORY AUDIT ENCLOSED" on the front. When I opened it, instead of the politicians records I was expecting I got a a table containing both my and a half dozen of my neighbors vote/didn't vote records for the 04/08 elections.
Scan of spam.[^]
I know that the voting data shown is all public records; or I'd've described it more strongly; but it's still a rather hamfisted way to either encourage me to vote or to try and intimidate me into staying home.
As for the quality of the "audit": In 04 I voted, just from a different address. The person with no/no moved here in 2009 or 2010 and moved again a year later. 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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They did that here in June, there were a lot of complaints about it happening and it got explained as "It is all a matter of public record. They requested and paid for the data."
It was supposed to shame people in going out to vote. They just didn't have the complete data to do their joins properly. Should of had a DBA or someone qualified handle the data request.
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RJOberg wrote: They just didn't have the complete data to do their joins properly. Should of had a DBA or someone qualified handle the data request.
Do you know if the voting record data actually included enough information to link records across address changes; or would they have had to access a different DB (with all the quality issues from linking multiple 3rd party record sets) for that?
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Dan Neely wrote: Do you know if the voting record data actually included enough information to link records across address changes
Depends on the state, but since they keep track of which elections you vote in, my suspicion is they have a voter record which is tied to your information, and then an address record for each location in the state and you tie an address to a voter record so if the voter moves, their record stays with you without having to create an entirely new voter record for someone moving across town or even to a different dorm each year for college. Less access to different DBs and more linking to other tables.
The request probably wasn't well articulated about what they wanted to do and no one helped them file their request.
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Once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate
love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons
into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
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Marco Bertschi wrote: 1. Why is the Code Project not on the list?
-> You are a part of a social network if you are a CP member, aren't you?
Social network and Social media are not the same thing. This is of course debatable but IMO it is not social media nor is it the attempt of the admins to make it so. It is and always was a network of developers though.
Marco Bertschi wrote: 2. Since when is Instagram a Social Network / Media?
When wasn't it?
Marco Bertschi wrote: -> Posting pictures of your food is no social interaction in my point of view 
While that is your point of view (to be clear I do not use Instagram), it is clearly not a universal view.
Here on CP there are articles that could be regarded as Social media, but are they the main content? For many of the users the main content of CP are the forums which seems more of a networking avenue than a social media.
Computers have been intelligent for a long time now. It just so happens that the program writers are about as effective as a room full of monkeys trying to crank out a copy of Hamlet.
modified 29 Oct '12 - 12:58.
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Collin Jasnoch wrote: Marco Bertschi wrote: 1. Why is the Code Project not on the list?
-> You are a part of a social network if you are a CP member, aren't you?
Social network yes. Social media no. This is of course debatable but IMO it is not social media nor is it the attempt of the admins to make it so. It is and always was a network of developers though.
Aren't social networks the main part of social media? I think you can add everything with whichs help you are communicating to the group of social media (think about WhatsApp or the good old MSN. Or Skype).
Collin Jasnoch wrote: Marco Bertschi wrote: -> Posting pictures of your food is no social interaction in my point of view
While that is your point of view (to be clear I do not use Instagram), it is clearly not a universal view. There is definitely more of a social media angle on Instagram than here.
Meh. Depends how much hipster and/or message needy someone is. And no view is an universal view. Unless you are living in North Korea.
Conclusion: We need a clear definnition of what a Social Media and/or a Social Network is.
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Marco Bertschi wrote: Aren't social networks the main part of social media? I think you can add everything with whichs help you are communicating to the group of social media (think about WhatsApp or the good old MSN. Or Skype).
A combustion engine is the main part of a motorcycle. Does this make a motorcycle a big rig?
Marco Bertschi wrote: Meh. Depends how much hipster and/or message needy someone is.
It depends on the "network". Some networks are not fit to be used as social media and others are more adapt to build up even more with social media.
On a final point, even if CP is considered social media what would be the point of that survey?
Computers have been intelligent for a long time now. It just so happens that the program writers are about as effective as a room full of monkeys trying to crank out a copy of Hamlet.
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Marco Bertschi wrote: Conclusion: We need a clear definnition of what a Social Media and/or a Social Network is.
Social network is a group of people with similar interests. Social media is the method in which they interact.
While these forums and QA are the "media" this site is not all all designed in a way to make the interaction between all of us fluid. It is designed as post->thread which is not current to mainstream "media" ideas of letting popular posts come to the foreground of more and more users.
For example, you and I continue on this path discussing we could discuss for weeks and the topic could get reviewed by some members. However no matter how much you and I go back and forth it will not gain any more attention. The only attention it gets is the immediate attention from you posting it recently. In 2 weeks though even if we are still using this thread it is irrelevant to other users.
This is not true to traditional social media sites. If something is getting a lot of
"discussion" or attention it will snowball and get more and more attention.
The idea of a thread going "Viral" on CP is somewhat silly. While it could happen the site does not make it easy.
Computers have been intelligent for a long time now. It just so happens that the program writers are about as effective as a room full of monkeys trying to crank out a copy of Hamlet.
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What is this Social crap, the only thing Social about CP is the Lounge and here, the rest of it is straight technical stuff. There is a fair representation of us who want absolutely nothing to do with the various social media sites, and not all are old farts like me!
As for the buzzwords specific to our industry, every vertical market site will have them. I would hate to try and understand the discussions on a medical site! Besides a bunch of geeks will always creep out the normals who stray in here.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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The morning after an all-night honeymoon expert virtuoso performance in bed, the somewhat amazed but blissfully happy newlywed wife snuggles up to her new hubby and says, "Darling, you are just wonderful. Last night was simply amazing. May I ask how many others were there before me?"
After a few moments of silence, the wife becomes a little testy and says, "Come on, I know there must have been some - I'm waiting."
And "Captain Experience" takes a deep breath and says, "Hang on sweetheart, I'm still counting."
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Either he counts really slowly, or...
Perhaps there are some questions you should ask, since you really don't want the answer.
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NO!
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Hi Nagy
unfortunately I was not able to post what I want to say (my internet was in kinda rage mode  )
I made another, better and more sense-making post.
Sorry for that...
Marco
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Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
*BONG*
A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.
*BONG*
Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
*BONG*
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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When someone says, "You look familiar; have I seen you before?" I like to answer, "Do you watch porn?" 
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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Are you saying you look like a c@ck? Or a Sunshine? 
Because I don't look at the faces... 
Ideological Purity is no substitute for being able to stick your thumb down a pipe to stop the water
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OriginalGriff wrote: Because I don't look at the faces...
Ok, don't you think it's a little bit inpolite to look at someones trousers instead of his face and to say, that you remember him?!
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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