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Keith Barrow wrote: man grabbing a rather pert lady's bosom isn't KSS
Don't know about that one, but this one certainly isn't[^]!
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Didn't see that one. Glad I did.
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Not only that - That pic is on the wrong damn site, because she is definitely doing it RIGHT! 
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
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Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
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Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932
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It would make sense as to why they passed the Gay marriage and the marijuana legalization on the same day.
Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.”
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Let's file that under "The Irony and The Ecstasy: 
Chris Meech
I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar]
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra]
posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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Took a minute...brilliant!
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In the words of Frankie Boyle: "It helps, that's all I'm sayin'"
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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I wonder how long we have to wait for somebody to file for divorce saying: "Your Honor, I'd have never gay married that dude if I wasn't so high."
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A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.
He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.
The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.
The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot.
Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot.
Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."
The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.
The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."
The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.
Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing--"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
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Not really a groaner as much as it was so predictable.
But thanks anyways. I do appreciate most your jokes (even the groaners)
Computers have been intelligent for a long time now. It just so happens that the program writers are about as effective as a room full of monkeys trying to crank out a copy of Hamlet.
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Dentist - "What can I do for you today?"
Patient - "I keep thinking that I'm a moth."
Dentist - "Sorry, I'm a dentist - it sounds like you need to consult a psychiatrist."
Patient - "Yes, I know."
Dentist - "Then why did you come in here?"
Patient - "The light was on"
====================================
Transvestites - Roberts in Disguise!
====================================
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Click[^], read and discuss.
I'd go for "both", if he gets the chance. 
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Wait you don't know how they look like!
[moment of silence]
Oh, you're desperate
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Jeremy Marshall wrote (on the sites comments): Ditch them?! Not ready for kids?! He should be castrated, and the school board in his district should be fired and replaced with people who get sex education taught properly.
That escalated quickly.
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Sex is like math.
Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!
Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
A: If she has to chew before she can swallow.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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*cough* That's tough, even for the soapbox.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Joan Murt wrote: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
I was reading and was convinced it would end with: "anal sex makes you gay"
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Unless you are a straight couple...
But yes that seemed the right ending for it... 
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Joan Murt wrote: Oral sex makes your day can make your whole week, anal sex makes your hole weak.
"Bastards encourage idiots to use Oracle Forms, Web Forms, Access and a number of other dinky web publishing tolls.", Mycroft Holmes[ ^]
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Long Time back , after india got the independence , and J.Nehru was the Prime minister , US President invited Indian Prime Minister to Washington , One evening in New York,
Indian Prime minister was amused and suprised with the riches and wealth US President was having and asked US President "Dont mind ,but i just suprised , how come under sky are your so rich"
US President smiled proudly and ask the indian Prime minister to come to window and showed the Empire State buidling and WTC and told
"You see that 2 tall building over there , and then he pointed his finger to his pocket and told "10 % of profit from that building goes here" ,India Prime minister was happy .
Years passed by and one day US President was visiting India and was amused with rich and wealth Indian Prime minsiter was having and finally unable to control ask the indian prime minister , "I remember ,during your last visit you ask me , how come i am so rich , but i see you are more richer then me , how was that possible"
indian prime minister took him to one room and showed him Map of india , and then pointed out to his pocket " 100 % GOES HERE"
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The (half-)real joke:
The Nigeria president invited the Indian Prime Minister in Abuja. While in the President's house, the Indian Prime minister was surprised by the luxury and wealth of his host.
He asked him:
- Don't mind me asking, but I am very surprised, how can it be that you are so rich ?
The Nigeria president smiled proudly and asked the Indian Prime minister to come to window and showed him a huge building.
- Can you see that building over there ?
He then pointed his finger to his pocket and said "10% of profit from that building goes right here". The Indian Prime minister nodded.
Years passed by and one day the Nigeria President was visiting India and was surprised by how wealthy the Indian Prime minister had become. He asked him:
- I remember, during your last visit you asked me, how come I was so rich, but from what I can see you are even richer than me.
The Indian Prime minister took him to the window and showed him a big lake.
- Can you see the two buildings over there ?
- No, there are no buildings there.
- Now you know.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
modified 14 Nov '12 - 9:30.
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Rage wrote: the Indian Prime Minister in Washington
How do you figure that? 
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. -Anon
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A joke currently making the rounds on Sina Weibo:
Said the government official to his secretary, "What Japanese products do I have on me? Run a check."
The secretary reported, "Check complete. Not a single item. Your car is from Germany, your watch is from Switzerland, your clothes are from France, your mobile phone is Apple, your child is in the United States, your property is in Australia, and your bank account is in Hong Kong. And your mistresses -- they're all made in China."
"Great", said the official, "Then let's unite the people and let's all boycott Japanese products!"
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John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and sneakers (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN THE PHILIPPINES), he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN VIET NAM), he got into his car (MADE IN GERMANY),
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his slippers (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA.
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT
MADE IN KENYA!
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Welcome to Globalisation!
Hmm i wonder why its doing that......ARGHS NO STOP, ROLLBACK ROLLBACK...F*** That's how i learned to "Always Backup"!!
Dogs are man's best Friend,
Cats are man's adorable little serial killer
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God asked Eve: I am re-designing Adam with new Hi-Tech features. Any Suggestions?
Eve: Yes. That 'JOY STICK' made for us must be "PASSWORD PROTECTED"!
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My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
If your neighbours don't listen to The Ramones, turn it up real loud so they can.
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A "Schnauzer" in Germany means a mustache. So maybe something about shaving would fit better. Maybe not using aftershave for a week?
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Well, no, the joke needs a punchline.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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You need to infer what the pharmacist understood by the word "Schnauzer".
Then the punchline is clear!
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I perfectly understood this. I was merely trying to point out that the proposed changed by the OP would ruin the joke.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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People crossposting see here[^]
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*applause*
If it moves, compile it
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Well, at least there are no multiposts.
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Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
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now you are repeating yourself...
I'm brazilian and english (well, human languages in general) aren't my best skill, so, sorry by my english. (if you want we can speak in C# or VB.Net =p)
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??? Don't recall posting this before.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
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I think he was talking about the post just under this one also labeled BJOTD. We knew that it was an imitation though 
If it moves, compile it
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I really don't mind if he steals it as long as the jokes are funny.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
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We all know you do the BJOTD's. You are just asking for space/time to rip apart by suggesting that it's ok for him to do it.
If it moves, compile it
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i thought i've seen this exactly same lines here, but turned out it was on 9gag, sorry
I'm brazilian and english (well, human languages in general) aren't my best skill, so, sorry by my english. (if you want we can speak in C# or VB.Net =p)
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Two old friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar. One said to the other, "Why do all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
The second answered, "Probably because of her speech impediment."
"What do you mean? My wife doesn't have a speech impediment."
"Well then, you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she just can't say no!" 
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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George told Mary, "I'll bet you ten bucks that we can have the best sex you've ever had and I'll not touch you at all."
"You're crazy," she said. "I'll take that bet!"
They put the twenty bucks on the table and proceeded to have sex, over and over again. Mary had to admit: it was the best night of her life.
Over breakfast, she said, "George, while that may well be the best sex I've ever had, you did nothing but touch me." George handed Mary the twenty dollars and grinned. "Okay. I lose!" 
------------------------------
Author of Primary ROleplaying SysTem
How do I take my coffee? Black as midnight on a moonless night.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
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not just best also cheap )
I wish I could believe there is an after life.
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The Teacher was asking the kids to explain different punctuation-marks.
When she got to Johnny (knowing better) she asked him, "What's the most important puntuation-mark?"
Surprisingly, she got what she figured was the correct answer: "A period, Teacher."
Smiling, for once having a decent answer from her most troublesome student, she made the mistake of asking, "And WHY do you think a period is the most important one?"
Johnny shrugged. "Beats me!" he replied. "But it must be awful important; because when Big Sis said she missed one, Mom had hysterics, Dad fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
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