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If you have a daily meeting and you have simply just changed the appointment to say "DAILY SCRUM" you are not doing agile development.
How did this word end up in the hands (or mouths) of every person from senior management to janitors?
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When you have Scott Guthrie and an elite business school vectoring toward the same point, it doesn't take much out-of-the-box thinking to see what will happen when they collide. It's a perfect storm for jargoneering (that's a buzzword of my own, which is short for "jargon engineering.")
The result of this horrible experiment-gone-wrong can be found at http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=1920 .
And at the end of the day, jargoneering is not rocket science. Just forget about parts of speech or providing a useful service, and master the misleading metaphor.
Here are a few of the key takeaways from Scott's little talk (webinar?):
"The second way we will monetize is by having a connection with customers who are building these types of experiences."
"The mobile space is interesting. There's the technical of how you get the software built for it." (Even the interviewer couldn't stomach Scott's innovative use of "technical" as a noun, and the transcript actually inserts "[issue]." )
"Obviously, we have a lot of apps that we build, not just in the developer's space, but in the knowledge productivity space and the enterprise space." ("Obvious" and "meaningless" are apparently synonmous now).
I was over in the "knowledge productivity space" the other day and it smelled like someone spilled coffee or something under the refrigerator.
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Describing a recent hire at a client location. "...he will be a boots on the ground for us..."
The latest nation. Procrastination.
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Gotta love how companies will try to drill into your head that the stuff you are working on is of the utmost importance. You are not simply making crappy software for the least possible expense, you are fighting a war... to protect freedom... for the safety of your family. And you are naturally the most important soldier there; the "boots on the ground". I guess this new hire is going to get all the dirty work done. It's going to change the whole company; going to make things better. 
Visual Studio is an excellent GUIIDE.
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I couldn't hear that without thinking about Dora the Explorer. "He will be a Boots" LOL ... i.e. an animated character incapable of speech outside a few words of broken Spanish?
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"High Touch Issue"
As opposed to what?!?! a "Low Touch Issue" ... how bout the "Stop Touching Me Issue" ... Unless you want me to touch you ... No. wait. That's something else entirely.
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I am watching the local news, and just heard the phrase e-tail, to mean online retail.
I would have been impressed, however, if it had referred to a way to meet ladies of I'll repute online.
CCC solved so far: 2 (including a Hard One!)
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"We recently held a transformation bazaar to look at different system changes which could be implemented across the system but while making sure we maintain quality, adopt innovation and really grasp the prevention agenda."
(NHS is National Health Service for those not in the UK)
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| Sign In·View Thread·PermaLink | 3.67/5 |
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JamesA_Dev wrote: We recently held a transformation bazaar to look at different system changes which could be implemented across the system but while making sure we maintain quality, adopt innovation and really grasp the prevention agenda.
Just as long as they are not wasting time and resources on all these idle malingerers lying about in the hospitals.
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Translation into English - "How can we get more money to maintain our ludicrously high salaries, and still appear to be doing something"
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ManagementSpeak: We recently held a transformation bazaar to look at different system changes which could be implemented across the system but while making sure we maintain quality, adopt innovation and really grasp the prevention agenda
RealEnglish: Job cuts. But not mine.
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
This message is made of fully recyclable Zeros and Ones
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As a non-American the word store to me means a place where things are kept. Our army have weapon stores and you sure cant buy a land mine there.
A shop is a place where retail activity occurs. When I hear "Apple store" I think of a room full of boxes of apples.
Anyways....I went to the Apple Store a little while ago to see about getting one of these new iPhones. I was served by a teenager who was chewing gum, bopping to the god awful music (do they hand out disco pills every morning?) and told me I needed to have a shopping appointment (interestingly not a storing appointment by thats irrelevant). I asked to make one only to be told I had to do it on line. People queue up for this sh*t?
I wish I was as fortunate
as fortunate as me
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Josh Gray wrote: People queue up for this sh*t?
I will be trying to work that line into conversations about Apple products in the future. 
--Mike--
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam
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Back when I got my iPhone, I asked a "genius" at the genius bar if I could program for the iPhone using my Windows PC. He said something along the lines of "yeah, sure, I don't think they would lock you down to just the Mac." Not liking that response, I asked "well can you make sure of that?" So he goes and askes one of his fellow geniuses and comes back to say "no, I guess you can't." Those geniuses sure are diligent! 
Visual Studio is an excellent GUIIDE.
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Mike,
The words are a bit minced but it sounds like one of the chapters from the Tao Te Qing.
Michael
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| Sign In·View Thread·PermaLink | 2.00/5 |
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That's one of my favorites. It's still silly and uncommon enough that it doesn't make me angry so much as it makes me bemused... I mean, you really have to be an e-Fanboy power-user of Wannabe 2.0 to say "Webinar."
Sometimes I use it for humorous effect, e.g.
Enterprisey Architecty Type: "Have you played with Expression Blend yet? Dude, it's totally sick!"
Me: "Yeah, bro, we should totally e-learn some of that. Maybe we could have a webinar..."
Enterprisey Architecty Type: "Totally! I'll run your webinar idea up the flagpole and see who salutes."
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| Sign In·View Thread·PermaLink | 1.50/5 |
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