Buzzword Bingo
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The Buzzword Bingo forum is a place to post examples of ludicrous,
convoluted and meaningless buzzwords and marketing drivel dreamed up by those seeking to sound
more important and meaningful than they actually are.
We are developers, which means our job is to simplify complicated and ill-expressed requirements
in order to produce something elegant and useful. If you want to impress us then please just tell it
to us straight. The less pre-processing we have to do the more we will be interested.
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Not to belittle a guy's attempt to find work, but if having to promote yourself in the following manner is the new norm, then heaven help us.
"(I'm an) analytical thinker and creative problem solver who effectively collaborates with multifunctional high-performance teams.”
Chris Meech
I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar]
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra]
posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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Don't hire him, He'll end up becoming the CEO.
"You get that on the big jobs."
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A small business recently told me this as why they weren't hiring right now. 
Sincerely Yours,
Brian Hart
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And your response was "that's why I wouldn't take the job if you were"?
Ideological Purity is no substitute for being able to stick your thumb down a pipe to stop the water
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Whats the bet they'll get sharks instead of tigers 
"You get that on the big jobs."
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WTF is 'Action'! What happened to 'Do'? Does management have nothing better to 'action' with their time than think up punchy alternatives to acceptable English?
Danny
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1. think outside the box (16%)
2. circle back (15%)
3. synergy (14%)
4. it is what it is (13%)
5. touch base (13%)
So let's get outside the tent and back peddle to get it on as that's just touching cloth.
[Have I got it right?]
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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I think "It is what it is" is required training of every pro athlete and sports journalist in the US. I swear I hear that phrase on ESPN at least once a day.
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I've found the companies who want you to "think out of the box" typically give you the smallest box to work in and frown on any infractions.
"You get that on the big jobs."
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"The box" is the place where you work, you're allowed to think when you're outside the box (not at work), but when you're inside the box (at work) you're not allowed to think.
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The latest one I despise is "top of mind" - anyone who uses it is an idiot.
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Synergy gets used a lot where I work. I despise the word. Its even been used in naming a new business initiative.
"Technology and Business Synergy Association"
Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Comments from work:
- "Why can't you just do it like everybody else?"
- "Well, we haven't had any complaints yet."
- "I just want to get it into production."
I'm in space!
I know you are mate. Yep, we're both in space.
SPAAAACE!
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I read this in a Quarterly Update email sent out by a particular telephony company. I think it adequately states what I'm rarely thinking:
"We are aligning around a single 'Technology Partner' designation that is more indicative of our co-marketing relationship..."
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If these people are going to take massive advantage of you then you should just stick it back to them. Highly skilled programmers are easy to find after all (not).
Brian
Sincerely Yours,
Brian Hart
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