Handling Mouse Events and Simulating Push Buttons and List Boxes in a Win32 Console

"Mixed Nuts"
"(Female humor) Whatcha call a woman that knows where her husband is 24 hours  a day, seven days a week? A widow."
"(Female humor) Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?  So men can understand them."
"(Female humor) What's the difference between a man and E.T.?  E.T. phoned home."
"(Female humor) Why is a psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?  When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there."
"(Female humor) What did God say after he created man?  I can do better than this."
"(Female humor) How do men define a 50-50 relationship?   We cook/they eat   We clean/they dirty    We iron/they wrinkle."
"(Female humor) What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?  Put the remote control between his toes."
"(Female humor) How do men exercise at the beach?   By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini."
"(Female humor) What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?   A hot dog and a six-pack."
"(Female humor) Why is it good that there are female astronauts?  When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask   for directions."
"Why is that dog running in circles?  It's a watchdog, and it's winding itself up."
"What did the five-hundred-pound mouse say when it walked into the alley?  Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!"
"Why does the baby duck walk softly? Because it's a baby and it can't walk, hardly."
"Why does a cow wear a bell? Its horns don't work."
"What did the baby porcupine say when it backed into the cactus? Is that you, Mother?"
"What did one eye say to the other?  There's something between us that smells."
"What did one toe say to the other?  Don't look now, but there's a heel following us."
"What do you do if you smash your toe?   You call a tow truck."
"What is a bulldozer?   A sleeping bull."
"Why does an elephant have a trunk?  So that it has someplace to hid when it sees a mouse."
"How do you stop a herd of elephants from charging?   You take away their credit cards."
"How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?   He just declares darkness the standard. Or he holds the bulb, and the world turns around him."
"What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle? Run over."
"A customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked What power switch?"
"An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened. The foot pedal turned out to be the computer's mouse."
"A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it  couldn't find printer. The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but his computer still couldn't see the printer."
"A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was bad and an invalid. The tech explained that the computer's bad command and invalid responses shouldn't be taken personally."
"A Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually."
"A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the send key."
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts."
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, The whole time."
"Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food? "
"Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?"
"Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?"
"How come abbreviated is such a long word?"
"If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?"
"Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?"
"Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?"
"Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builds?
"Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?"
"Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?"
"Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?"
"Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?"
"If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?"
"Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it."
"How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?"
"If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?"
"Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?"
"Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?"
"Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"
"What do little birdie's see when they get knocked unconscious?"
"Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?"
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section?  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?"
"War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left."
"Q: What do you call 100 skydiving lawyers? A: Skeet."
"If at first you don't succeed, try hiring a lawyer to sue somebody."
"Q. What do you get when you cross The Godfather with a lawyer? A. You get an offer you can't understand."