[My Blog] "Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. " - Morpheus "Real men use mspaint for writing code and notepad for designing graphics." - Anna-Jayne Metcalfe
Luis Alonso Ramos wrote: but my definition of yesterday is before I go to sleep!
I have completely different axiomatic system. Time before I go to sleep is "night" (sometimes even 4AM ). Time after I wake up is "morning" (sometimes at 1 PM ). Let today=x-th day of month. Then yesterday is defined as (x-1)th.
Luis Alonso Ramos wrote: ctually today is also the birthday of one of my better friends, so it will probably be more than one !!
I decided to take some stress out of me... Story begins...
Long time ago, one morning dramatically changed my life. While going to school (by bus), I met one beautiful black woman. She had braided hair, and I wanted my hair to get braided for a while... I was looking at her, and than noticed that she was looking at me. So I asked her about her hair, and if she could braid my hair. She said yes, then she gave me her e-mail and I gave her mine. We said only few words. After while, our eyes met each other (hmm is this idiom ok? you know she looked at me and I looked at her in the same time) and we both smiled. It was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Since then, I know there is something special about her . Somehow, I couldn't get her out of my mind. She wrote me like in 2 weeks ( take a note, this is typical behaviour) and invited me to her flat. When I saw her again, I realised that I am lost( = in love). Next 2 hours she plated my hair, while chatting a little. Then I asked her if I can stay and chat little more. She was happy. We chatted long hours... Very soon she asked me about my age. I honestly said 17. I could read her "oh my god" from her face. She were 22, plus (as she told me) in her country (Ethiopia) there is usual that people start with dating at age like 20 and more. That warned me... I tried to tread her as a friend for a while, but it couldn't work One day I told her that I was in love with her. (dumb and not romantic,I know -bt I was 17years old geek with no exp with girls, 1st time really in love, remember) She was shocked. I played my friend-role well before, I guess. She told me that we will talk about it later (take a note, this is typical)... It was on party and after while (and after dance wit me) she looked ok, she even looked happy. We had some calls and emails then, bt she had no time for meeting (if you took notes, you are not surprised at all). After month or so, she finaly invited me to date in the center of Prague. Anyway she was there with her friend, so I didn't want to talk about this very personal topic, so we all chatted and had great time. She told me than that she is tired and she'll have to wake up early (meeting about new job), bt if i want we can talk.. I decided to let her sleep and than hopefully get a job. That time it was me who said "we'll talk later." (take a note, i still regret this decision) Btw these times she was signing her emails with long "kissssss" instead of usual "ur friend". Anyway I kissed her only on cheek. I did not see her since than. Anayway she sent me tons of nice emails, we had lots of calls. Bt no time for personal meeting. She had no time for her friends, too. She was often complaining about hard life and thinking about leaving the country. One day I couldn't wait any more and had very serious phone conversation with her. I actually forced her into saing if she loves me or not. She did't answer this, anyway she said she is not in love. I asked what is wrong with me and she said that she doesn't want boyfriend for sleeping and so on, and that I am too (not exact quote) "childish.. no I don't mean childish.. I mean..mentaly..err.. your age is problem." She also asked me if I a had somebody since I met her. She was surprised whan I said strict no. I am quite sure she didn't have anybody as well, since she is not one-night-stand type and she had only one boyfriend ever before. I was so f**d up that I couldn't sleep whole night. (Next day I sucessfuly made entrance test to Charles University.) So I realised she was terribly wrong in me... I am ready for serious relationship and I mean it seriously with her, there is no place for other girls. Unfortunately, I had no chance to show her that. Recently, she really moved to another country (Holland - do you live in holland? plz write me: no-hail(at)seznam.cz I will describe her... will you be able to find her, postmark her and send her back to me, plz?). Very recently, she wrote me that if she could she would return to prague, as soon as possible, and she is looking forward to see me again. She also said that "problem is only way to get permanent stay is to marry... . somebody"
So I still hope that one day she will return to prague, and our relation can finaly get serious.
Is it only my stupid naive wish unlikely to happen? She is most wonderful woman I ever met (not only on physical side, she is sooo smart and nice and tolerant and... simply THE SWEETEST WOMAN ON THE WORLD), so I am of course trying not to waste chance of my lifetime... I know she is attracted in me, she likes me a lot; only these 5 years and now even some kilometers (from CR to Holland) stay in our way. I can by blind and stupid and terribly wrong, anyway.
That's it. I feel quite better than before while. Seems like blogging works At least for a while.
btw her name is (actual name was removed because it came up as only hit in Google... not good). (for 0.00000001% chance there is Ethiopian developer or developer from Holland who know her )
btw this story is whole true, bt there can be something missing. If you doubt there is love between me and her ...if you were here and know her and me you maybe wouldn't doubt that...
Well, what can I say? You're still very young. I know how you feel (I've kind of been there), but sometimes it's just not meant to be. My only advice is ok, don't let her go that easily, but don't get blinded by her in case some other even better girl comes your way.
Luis Alonso Ramos wrote: Come on! Older people usually wish they would be younger, and you're here wanting to grow up
well, I know... that's why I appended question mark... It looks like my age is problem here, bt I don't really want to be older... Since I am on university and I a have a job, I don't have much time to play computer games OTOH, I allways wanted to solve real hard problems (yes, I was strange kid). Now, I finally have 'em! And they are wery differend from what I expected... Life is full of surprises! What I was trying to say is that if I were older, it would be easier with her. If I wasn't idiot, I would archive my goals, etc. Who really cares about "if"s? I don't. I have to play this game (aka life) with who I am and what I have. oh.. I am saying cr*p right now, I guess... ok. I am young, and it looks like it's wrong. How could it be? It is positive thing... It simply makes no sense to me, like paradox or what.
Do you know what I mean? I sometimes have difficulties to express myself, especially in foreign language
Yes, I understand... it has happened to me before, you're not the only one.
dnh wrote: if I were older, it would be easier with her
But if you were older there would be many things you are living right now that would not have happened. So just play that game of life as it comes to you and don't worry about what could have been if something *out of your hands* had been different.
hi, Luis Alonso Ramos wrote: Congratulations then! I'm happy to read that!
Luis Alonso Ramos wrote: By the way, have you tought about visiting her, maybe for Christmas? I bet she'd appreciate that very much!
Oh yes. I tought about it. However I found out it's more expensive then I can afford, especially when I consider christmas gifts for family I didn't buy yet. I simply don't have that money. It is sad, but that's how it is. I expect some money from project I am working on, bt I definitely won't have that money in time. If I could, I'd visit her, no doubt. Maybe I will visit her, hopefully soon. After new year maybe? Bt what I know for sure I have to cheer her up somehow for christmas. It's still enough time to make up something original/romantic.
five years... To quote a ravishingly charming girls answer - "what does that matter in twenty years?"
Careful though. We live in a world - and I will never understand or even accept that part - where one persons loves another, but the other doesn't. She is in a situation where she cannot chose freely. True Love, and a relationship, may grow, but the relationship part is hard work, doubly so from a complicated outset. Good luck!