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When I was young, a cafe in England would sell you coffee in two forms: black and white. If it was posh and Italian they might also do a cappuccino, too, but you wouldn't go to places like that.
Yes, it tasted like mud and it came in a pyrex cup but it was wet and warm and it was all so EASY!
"Black coffee, please?"
"Here you go, pal. Forty pence, please"
A few years on, I was at a railway station and say a coffee stall.
"Hi mate, black, please?"
"What do you want? Espresso? Moccaccino? Frapuccino? Crapuccino? Americano? Latino? Chocamoccacccino? (insert five hundred other made up Italian words here)"
"Just a coffee, please. Black."
"Yes, but do you want? Espresso? Moccaccino? Frapuccino? Crapuccino? Americano? Latino? Chocamoccacccino? ..."
"Don't worry, mate, I've got a train to catch."
Not sure that I've had a coffee since.
Nowadays, this is the pattern everywhere from cafes to bars to coffee shops to food stalls, except that list of varieties has grown to the length of the Great Wall of China and can probably be seen from space. The pyrex is now polystyrene and the price tag now resembles a national debt. Oh yeah, and the waiters are now called barristas (which always sounds like a failed lawyer to me).
Everywhere I go, I seem to be stuck in a queue behind some so-and-so whose order for caffeinated filth keeps me waiting for half-an-hour as I attempt to buy a beer or a sandwich. It's starting to get on my nerves.
Is this fad for evermore elaborate coffees a global catastrophe or a particularly English disease?
And when, oh, when will it end?
P.S. A coffee shop near my office now advertises that their bacon is infused with coffee! THE BEAN-HEADS ARE EVEN MESSING WITH OUR BACON! THIS HAS TO END. NOW.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
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I keep it simple. I have finally devolved down to the simplest scenario. Grind the coffee coarse (has to be a conical type grinder, that's one thing that can't be skimped on, though they aren't expensive), pour it into a mason jar, pour in the just below boiling water, put the lid on. Wait 2 minutes, stir. Put some half-n-half in the still warm cup to warm up. Wait six minutes, pour through a filter into the cup.
It's super-simple and you can make it a cup at a time, and it's really good. If you break the jar it's a couple bucks probably to replace. I used to use a press but this works even better and it's far less twitchy and breakable.
Hipster'ism at it's best. Turning something simple into a ridiculously complicated mess so the modern guy (or gal) can proud themselves of knowing tons of useless stuff to geek out about among their peers. The latter part surely appears to everything, i.e. programming languages (and those also tend to get complicated for the matter of getting complicated), but I agree, the evil hipsters do to coffee isn't funny anymore.
BTW, seen the Postal movie? There's a great scene where a dude in a coffee shop can't decide what to drink with the waitress finally handing him over a coffee. Just a normal hot coffee.
A few years ago I was in line at a Starbucks. The first person in line placed their order -- the order ran about 40 syllables and I understood enough Starbucks-speak to realize they were asking for something that had a minor amount of coffee in it.
The barista listened carefully and provided the requested concoction.
The next person in line did the same thing -- different words but a long string of what sounds like nonsense to the uninitiated.
Then it's my turn: "vente coffee" (I am not fluent in Starbucks-speak but learned to order a large coffee).
The barista just stared at me, no other reaction. The fans are loud so maybe she didn't hear me? So I repeated "vente coffee".
She shook her head, like she was coming out of a mental fog, smiled, and got me my coffee.
I realized she had put herself in a mental state to translate my order, when my order was only 4 syllables it did not compute.
A week later the same exact thing happened at another store.
The term is Hyper-Palatability... Coke has it, but coffee does not.
Meaning you can get tired of drinking coffee, especially if you add FAT to it (real cream).
So, by having so many flavors, it allows you to switch between different flavors of coffee,
which creates a version of hyper-palatability. THUS allowing you to drink more coffee.
I discovered this phenomena as I lost over 100lbs. One of the "tricks" was to limit your daily intake to 2 foods, high fat (bacon and avocado) for 2-3 days straight. SURPRISE, your ability to be full kicks back in, and you are no longer hungry all the time. (to be clear, for the first 30 days, your ADDICTION to carbs is begging you to carb up... But since you have limited your choice to specific foods AND you are really not hungry, you body tells you: "No Thankyou!").
So, it will continue to happen. Because it is a profitable thing to do, that keeps people eating.
Now, I have all but stopped eating out (I prefer making my own food where I know/trust the ingredients). I no longer buy coffee (in the states, I always preferred Dunkin Donuts Coffee).
And I am healthier now than anytime in the last 25 years!
Don't let them HACK your brain with these choices. I bet you INTERNALLY KNEW it was a problem!
Last Visit: 17-Oct-19 3:15 Last Update: 17-Oct-19 3:15