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It's difficult to find these days, but I've long enjoyed Win Schulers "Bar Scheese"[^]. My stepdad's father used to send a crock from Chicago a couple times a year, and we scarfed it down in an evening. While the recipe was a family secret, I was able to come close to matching it using very sharp cheddar cheese, port wine, and strong horseradish. I think I still have a couple of the original crocks - they don't offer them anymore, sadly.
"Why would anyone prefer to wield a weapon that takes both hands at once, when they could use a lighter (and obviously superior) weapon that allows you to wield multiple ones at a time, and thus supports multi-paradigm carnage?"
Whatever your type, just go for a decent quality cheese with real flavour.
I enjoy brie, Cheddar, Wensleydale, Stilton, Shropshire blue and Green (or Blue*) Wensleydale as my 'standard' selection of cheeses. A good goat's cheese also takes some beating but that's fantastically expensive so I don't typically buy it.
*: It used to be called 'green', although it's a blue cheese similar to Stilton. It went through a short rebranding phase as 'Jervaulx Blue', and now it's 'Blue Wensleydale'.