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A friend sent me these and thought a few might be applicable.
Mediocre Laws Of The Day
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help. Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett