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Really? It just goes to show how some people are never satisfied.
First of all - falling probably hurt (particularly if face first) - why would you want to do that, again?
Putting that aside, that was not the nature of the problem, as stated. Many brave and thoughtful CPian's tried to contribute to solving your dilemma. Those should have garnered your gratitude - not brought forth further inquires, challenging their viability and sincerity. Hopefully, not too many feelings were hurt.
So - flop over and get on with it. I'm sure, once so situated you'll find inspiration in the thoughts and contributions in this thread to come up with something . . . . . . eventually . . . . . . or not.