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A pirate with a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch walks into a bar.
Bartender asks "What happened to you"?
Pirate says, well lost my leg to a shark in the Caribbean, my hand to a mean croc in Africa and a bird sh*t in my eye.
Bartender responded how is it you lost an eye when a bird sh*t in your eye?
Pirate responded: First day with me hook.
1. A person that fixes stuff you can't.
2. One who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.