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We all love a good buzz-feed-like list of what to do or not to do and Agile offers none of that, so it can be hard to engage at first and frustrating to continue going forward, in particular, if the people employing it have had years of working in a very different fashion. I know I am, but what are you?
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Dear God in Heaven, I haven't seen this kind of religious fanaticism in the dev world for years.
I stopped reading, out of pure revulsion, when it started saying you should only hire people who are totally committed to agile -- particularly for management, because you need the Great Leaders to all stand united, of course.
So I didn't reach the bit about agile gurus being given handmaidens to bear their children, or how many virgins they get, in Valhalla; and I couldn't be bothered to scroll down to see the pics of flaming, inverted crosses.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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At a job interview a couple of years ago, they said "We need you to be committed to the agile paradigm."
I said, "Only if you'll commit to have the HR lady over there give me a blow job once a week."
To this day, I wonder why they didn't call me in for a 2nd interview.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: To this day, I wonder why they didn't call me in for a 2nd interview.
I imagine it's because HR staff are lazy f***ers.
If you'd said once a month, you'd probably have been OK.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Ooh, look, the author is the CEO of yet another sh*tty team building software company.
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I marvel at the blatant irony within articles like this, which starts by saying
Quote: "The Agile manifesto says it clearly: it's all about the people not the process."
then ends with
Quote: "fire the ones that aren't Agile".
I guess that's why I have never made it up to management, I value integrity too much, silly me...
The author writes about themselves:
Quote: I write about the fact that customers deserve amazing digital experiences and that we can't employ technology and the new Agile ways of work to design them, before we change the organisation's DNA to centre around its people which is what we are enabling
now that's the very definition of meaningless uninspiring management jargon!
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
modified 18-Jan-19 4:06am.
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From the article - "Agile is a "Way of Thinking not a Way of Working"
Well, I've beenn in the business for 40 years, and just *thinking* never got the work done.
Agile, in my experience, is a giant watse of time.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: Agile, in my experience, is a giant watse of time.
I find the stand-ups useful, and breaking a project up into short sprints can be handy (but not always).
Other than that, it's just another way of getting stuff done, and it certainly doesn't merit any level of religious fervour.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Agile works well when it does without the "scrum masters", "ceremonies" and all the guff and jargon that makes it like some sort of cult - it has all the trappings of a cargo cult.
Daily 5 minute team meetings, team leads and breaking work up into smaller units with expected delivery dates makes good sense.
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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I am heartened and encouraged to know that I wasn't the only one detecting serious religious fanaticism. Near as I could tell, the author did not come across as anyone who had a clue what they were blathering. All sound no fury.
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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In the era of AI superpowers, Finland is no match for the US and China. So the Scandinavian country is taking a different tack. We're stuck with the natural alternative here
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Kent Sharkey wrote: We're stuck with a dire lack of the natural alternative here
Fact-checking is important.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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New year, new you, new Slack. The popular workplace chat service’s resolution clearly involved a bit of a facelift, starting with a new logo. A redesigned version of the familiar grid logo launched this week, and appears to have rolled out on most major platforms. I see they're following Microsoft's dev strategy
Next up: Slack reformats your hard drive!
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If all you've got is a hammer, every problem is a nail.
If all you've got is three brain cells, every problem is 32x32px
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Which was then openly mocked in one of our slack channels.
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"Out-of-bounds errors have plagued computer science and programming for decades. Detecting these errors at compile time has ranged from slow to impossible, depending on the language design" Because it's so much easier to change your compiler than learn not to do that
Of course, it seems people can't learn
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And they think they're clever?
Hell, I could write a language that didn't have OOB errors in a matter of weeks!
Just don't include arrays and loops -- only implement gotos.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Kent Sharkey wrote: Out-of-bounds errors have plagued computer science and programming for decades.
Not really. Neither have memory leaks. Yeah, they happen, but not at plague proportions.
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Using stimuli-responsive materials and geometric principles, engineers have designed structures that have 'embodied logic.' Through their physical and chemical makeup alone, they are able to determine which of multiple possible responses to make in response to their environment. I, for one, welcome our new embodied logic overlords
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Hang on, I don't...
... Help me out here.
Does this mean that if the 3D printer runs out of wire, it will use disembodied logic?
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Microsoft is making some big changes to Cortana in Windows 10. The software giant is planning to decouple search and Cortana in the Windows 10 taskbar, allowing voice queries to be handled separately to typing in a search box to find documents and files. Hey Cortana: time to find a new job
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I'd rather Cortana join Clippy in the vastness of hell.
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So it's finally dawned on them that people who search their computers don't want pages from the ms web-site at the top of the result list.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Attributes have been part of .NET since the beginning. As such, they were created before generics were introduced and never quite caught up. [Attribute]?
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What I hate about generics is that they prove all those wonderful 1950s Sci-fi movies to be wrong.
Computers don't explode if there's something missing during compilation.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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