Welcome to the Lounge

Quote:

.....and saved him the embarrassment.

There's something you should probably know before we go too far
My neighbor found a mushroom growing inside of my car
She called me up on tour, sounding emotionally scarred
Although it may have scared her more that I wasn't really alarmed
The dandruff in a shaken globe is fit to gild a manger
The pizza face is pepperoni, carbuncle, and caper
I'm bunions and contusions, bumps, lumps and bruises
Discoloring, and other things I can't reach with a loofah
Not a butcher, not a baker
Pick a booger with a basic evolutionary failure
I do not open mail, I do not answer phones
The fridge is pretty much a home for mayonnaise alone
Watch a pocketknife surgeon cut a cyst out in the kitchen
It's the cousin to acutely removing his own stitches in a pinch
Kool-Aid ooze out his toothache
Mushroom growing in the car; it's just another Tuesday

Quote:

The dangerous kitchen
If it aint't one thing it's another
In the middle of the night when you get home
The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The meat thing
Where the cats ate through the paper
The can things with the sharp little edges
That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
The soft little things on the floor that you step on
They can all be dangerous
Sometimes the milk can hurt you
(If you put it on your cereal
Before you smell the plastic container)
And the stuff in the strainer
Has a mind of its own
So be very careful
In the dangerous kitchen
When the night time has fallen
And the roaches are crawlin'
In the kitchen of danger
You can feel like a stranger
The bananas are black
The got flies in the back
And also the chicken
In the dish with the foil
Where the cream is all clabbered
And the salad is frightful
Your return in the evening
Can be less than delightful
You must walk very careful
You must not lean against it
It can get on you clothing
It can follow you in
As you walk to the bedroom
And you take all your clothes off
While you're sleeping
It crawls off
It gets in your bed
It could get on your face then
It could eat your complexion
You could die from the danger
Of the dangerous kitchen
Who the f**k wants to clean it?
It's disgusting and dirty
The sponge on the drainer
Is stinky and squirty
If you squeeze it when you wipe up
What you get on your hands then
Could un-balance your glands and
Make you blind or whatever
In the dangerous kitchen
At my house tonight