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I hope you have a lot a free time before starting that task!
Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce, served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and Spam - Monty Python Spam Sketch
I remember Jacksonville, everything is called an Authority. Almost like the want people there to know that someone else is in charge. Not the Government, not the people, some Authority. Never really liked Jax that much anyway. Been told I have a problem with authority.
I think we have a candidate for one of my favorite old pranks.
When I worked for Ace Hardware, in the Child Safety section we sold small plastic snap-in covers for electrical outlets to keep little kids from poking things that don't belong there into the jacks. Once in a while, especially in Winter, I'd overhear a customer mention getting zapped by static electricity picked up from the carpet. That was my cue to make a sale. I'd patiently explain to the customer that the static shock was caused by a buildup of charge in the carpet, which was then transferred to his/her fuzzy bunny slippers while traversing said carpet. On close approach to a grounded, metal object, the charge is released and the heat of the resulting arc is what causes the startling pain. Such charges can reach 1 million volts, and that can cause an amazing jolt! The root cause (and this is where it gets hard to keep a straight face) is all those open, unused electrical outlets in the house. Since they are always hot, whether in use or not, the open ones leak electrons, which fall onto the carpet and build up to dangerous potentials. The solution, of course, is to cover those open outlets to keep the electrons inside and out of the carpet, and these plastic widgets are just the thing!
It rarely failed, except a few times when I was dealing with someone with an IQ over room temperature - not often. I even had customers tell me on a return trip how much better things were after installing the covers!
I encourage you to recommend these handy, potentially life-saving devices to your neighbor!
I've heard some really good sales pitches where all I could do was try to keep a straight face keep from laughing and walk away but that is the funniest I've ever heard and I can't stop laughing. Brilliant!
You reckon they make cups you could hang under the outlets to collect the electrons?