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Some years ago, I dropped a slice of buttered toast, and it landed buttered side up, which caused deep concern for the stability of the universe. However, after serious study by scientific, philosophical and religious bodies, it was established that I had, in fact, buttered the toast on the wrong side, and therefore all was still well with the world.
This latest incident, however, is far more sinister. No explanation exists to clarify the situation, no scenario, either rational or irrational can be envisaged to account for the phenomenon. I will present the details forthwith.
On Saturday, for the third time, the electric kettle melted the wall plug into which it was inserted and therefore needs repair or replacement. My wife got out the purchase documentation and we found – wait for it – the original three year guarantee does not expire until 27th January 2013. Not 27th December 2012, or any other date, but a date sufficiently in the future to be still valid.
If anyone here can offer a suitable explanation for this break-down of universal laws, please let me know. In the meantime, I am busy stocking up on food, drink, and fuel, on the basis that the Mayans were just a month too soon.
When you take the "expected Mayan warranty offset" into account, you see that all is well with the world. What happened was that companies used to offer warranties that would be guaranteed to expire before the product dissolved in a rancid heap - however, with the approach of the Mayan crapocralypse, savvy companies realised that they didn't have to worry about the real product end date anymore, so they became lax about putting the self-destruct into the consumables. This means that they are now apocalypsing themselves because they've just realised that a whole bunch of equipment will now break inside the warranty period - something they had assumed would be taken care of by the end of the world fire sale.
*pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington
I have no worries on either of those scores, as the shop we got it from is still open and doing business, and - a much more important point - my wife is going to take the kettle in to make the claim. I almost fel sorry for the shop already!
There was this gigantic recall operation on electric tea kettles a couple of years ago, after the manufacturers found out that a conspiracy of irate electronic engineers had manipulated the wiring schemata so the devices would fail while still within the warranty period. After a careful re-engineering, the devices are now guaranteed to fail exactly one day after the warranty expires. By some strange incident your device was missed by the ninja "Collection And Replacement Squad", which was sent out to silently replace units that were not turned in by their owners in the recall operation.
Hope I could clarify this issue!
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability!"
I left the office at 1830 on Friday. Just before I left I switched off a piece of equipment I had been using, but would normally have left powered up. I thought, "I won't need remote access to this during the weekend so I'll turn it off; no point in leaving an unnecessary fire risk."
At 2100 on Friday another piece of equipment on the floor above caught fire and burned out a significant part of the building. My office is undamaged except that the floor got very wet and dirty as a result of the firefighting efforts. I'm out of the office for the rest of this week, visiting a customer in another country.
Maybe there's some kind of cosmic connection??
The opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the author, especially if you find them impolite, inaccurate or inflammatory.
Speaking of warranties; last summer my Microwave died. I pulled out my receipt and warranty; it had expired five days previous. I cursed. And then noticed that I'd bought the appliance with American Express, which has an extended warranty program. I logged in, filled out the forms and within two weeks got my money back.
Unfortunately, I paid cash for my used washing machine. It died a month ago.
You ef-er! That's why my dishwasher brokedown! Just outside the warranty period! You stole my warranty! Damn you!
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.-John Q. Adams You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering.-Wernher von Braun Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.-Albert Einstein
That may be, that may very well be. It would certainly fit into the universal laws of energy warranty conservation. Gain it here, loose it there.
I do have to say, however, that my dishwasher is working perfectly, albeit without guarantee. I find that preventative maintenance consisting of nice fillets of fish, fresh vegetables, sufficient good wine, and the occasional glass of scotch, all interspersed with plenty of exercise, has kept it working now for over thirty years.
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