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Bottle of Gordons finest in the pocket - check Extra long bendy straw - check
I'm going in, if I'm not back by noon send gin.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce, served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and Spam - Monty Python Spam Sketch
*Cough ahem* Pedant alert. He didn't train Darth Vader (or Anakin). He recommended that he be trained to the Jedi Council. He was killed before any training actually took place - he only returned to the Jedi fold after Anakin turned to Vader to instruct Yoda and Obi Wan how to live on after death.
*pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to $7.50.
" Well," the beggar thinks, " it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes $5.
" What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. " First you give me $10 every day, then $ 7.50 and now only $5. What's the problem?"
" Well," the man says, " last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further ."
" And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
" Four," the man replies.
" Well," says the beggar, " I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense"