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A lady walks into Tiffany's.
She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farted.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's, he politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
'Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, "Madam.. if you farted just looking at it - you're going to sh*t when I tell you the price.."
speramus in juniperus
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Who did you piss off, I just gave this 5 as it elicited a chuckle and noticed the score of 4.5 something, you had been down voted for this !
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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"Page not found"
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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Your link says: Sorry - that page doesn't exist. If you have followed a link from an email or another site, then it may have been truncated or simply entered incorrectly in the first place.
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly"- SoMad
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No your link doesn't work either! I'm blaming CP anyway have updated the OP.
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A rare commodity, by the way linky no worky  <<sorry, linky="" fixy="">>
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Well, all they have to do is put in fake fire alarms. Just like the developers did with Healthcare.gov, just make it look like it works but underneath it doesn't have to because you know it will never be used.  Badump.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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of course, if the furniture, mattresses and other flammable things did catch fire, and the walls started to melt, the result might be people crushed by thousands of pounds of falling ice.
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Just taken a batch of fresh baked bread rolls out of the oven.
And eaten one, still hot, and slathered with butter.
Nom nom nomnomnomnom...
There are indeed some things that coding cannot match.
Never tried using an egg in a bread recipe before, but it worked! And now the whole house smells of bread 
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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Curse you! Now I have to look for a bakery.
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My girlfriend makes healthy muffins sometimes. With butter and a bit of salt they really make for a good start of the day
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Damn your eyes now I'm hungry and there ain't nothing but a chocolate cupcake in the cupboard.
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I can do you a bun.
Ham and cheese ok?
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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 Much obliged!
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Ok - it's done.
Do you have a BunMail address I can send it to?
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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mike@beammeoverabun.com
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I haven't (purposely) eaten store bought bread in many years. I usually make my own bread and the ambiance and taste is unmatched by anything commercially made. For the cost of flour, yeast, a little oil, sugar, salt and water, it is also more economical.
But I don't need to heat the whole oven: the bread machine was one of the best investments I ever made. I found the bread machine at a resale store for $US 5.00, but it was missing a mixing paddle. A quick search on the internet and I had one in 2 days for an additional $US 9.00. If not, I would have made one myself from wood or heat resistant plastic. It's maybe the best $US 14.00 I ever spent.
It has more than returned the investment in satisfaction. Put in the ingredients, press the button, wait, then pull out a loaf of warm, freshly baked bread. Or stop the machine before the baking cycle, form it into rolls, and bake in a real oven without having to knead, etc. Lazy is good!
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E.
Comport Computing
Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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I have a bread maker, but I don't use it as much as I used to - I don't like the crust it makes that much as it doesn't toasty too well, I generally have to dig to paddle out and today I wanted nice soft buns to go
with some burgers I was making.
Instead my mixer has kneading attachments which do an ok job - a lot less work than hand kneading and nearly as good!
But the bread maker has one major plus: the timer. Set it to finish the bread for 08:00 on a Sunday and you have a reason to get out of bed! 
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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My bread machine seems to do OK on the crusts when I put it on the darker setting. (I like crunchy crusts.)
I usually make bread when I'm working from home and set it so I have to take a lunch break when the bread is ready. Otherwise, I often work straight through without taking a break, then wonder why I'm so hungry. As a matter of fact, I have a loaf preparing right now. Should be ready for a before dinner snack.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E.
Comport Computing
Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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The crusts are ok for a sandwich, but one of the beauties of making your own is being able to slice inch thick slabs of toast - and the crust on mine is like eating a handgrade when it's toasted... 
The only instant messaging I do involves my middle finger.
English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
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I wish I worked from home. Your home. 
/ravi
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