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Well, you are right so far: you aren't up tomorrow. 
The day is still young, though!
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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I think YAUT 
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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Nope, Greg got it!
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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And just in time! 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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'you once' = 'thou'. Very clever!
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"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Heaps for thousands is a bit tenuous - but I do like thou for you once not seen that before
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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... I mean come on guys. Be smart, they are polar opposites...
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But you won't see any ants either place. So why is one of them called the antarctic?
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Member 7989122 wrote: So why is one of them called the antarctic?
You'd have to ask Bartholomew.
"One man's wage rise is another man's price increase." - Harold Wilson
"Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it." - Michael Simmons
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." - James D. Miles
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Two Chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says "I'll have H20."
The second one says "I'll have H20 too."
The second chemist dies...
Second joke:
Now, what do we do with his body?
We Barium.(Bury him, for non-English speakers, Barium sounds like bury him.)
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How can you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a plumber?
The way they pronounce "unionized"
Real programmers use butterflies
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Attributed to New Scientist (?): Johnny, finding life a bore
Drank some H2SO4.
Johnny's father, a MD
Gave him CaCO3.
Now Johnny's neutralized it's true
But he's full of CO2.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Today... I was fixing myself a bowl of Maruchan ramen. I spice it up and make it like a poor man's gourmet ramen(because I am a poor man, lol...) And, now listen here. This is where I tell you I am a dumb smart person. I tested in the 99th percentile in the country. Yet, I filled the water too much, and my thumb was partially in the bowl. So now my thumb has a severe second-degree burn on it...
I bet yours can't be worse than mine.
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I set myself on fire making top ramen once by dragging my shirt over the burner. I nearly burned down the kitchen.
Real programmers use butterflies
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Well, I'm still trying to recover from the weird effects of a finger-flavored ramen I had for breakfast.
"In testa che avete, Signor di Ceprano?"
-- Rigoletto
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So you're the inspiration for that ancient joke?
"Waiter, your thumb's in my soup!"
"It's all right sir; it's not hot."
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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That joke is probably older than me... But no it wasn't hot, it was boiling! 
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On my annual two week 'get away from all the crazy people' hike in the Talkeetna mountains, managed to cut my finger to the bone with a camp axe  . Sewed it up with 1 lb fly line and copious amounts of Jim Beam (anesthetic and sterilizer, all in one!) Then walked out to civilization to get it fixed by a real doctor, who looked at it and told me come back in a week to take the fly line out.
Thar's only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we're the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it's a mighty sobering thought. (Porkypine - via Walt Kelly)
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I used to ride Moto Guzzi bikes, which are ... um ...different, particularly as far as brakes go.
Most bikes have a foot lever which operates the back brake only, and a hand lever which operates the font disks.
But Guzzis are different: the hand lever operates on done disk, and the foot lever operates the other front disk plus the back one - with most of the braking effort going to the front as you'd expect.
Once you are used to it, it's a brilliant setup: you can literally stand on the rear brake lever and the bike will stop impressively quickly.
And when I put it in for service they used to lend me a Ducati for the day. Which doesn't have linked brakes.
So when I pulled away from the lights in traffic on a wet road and the car ahead hit his brakes, I stood on the rear lever, locked the rear wheel slid sideways (at about 10 mph) tapped the central reservation curb and fell off.
And broke my collar bone.
It cost me £1500 in parts to put the bike right, but I had to have a plate put in which I did via Bupa and it cost another £2500.
And the op gave me a frozen shoulder which lasted four years and meant I couldn't travel, type work a mouse, or even wipe my own ass with my right hand ...
Stupid? Oh yes. All my fault? Oh yes. And now, over twenty years later my right shoulder still isn't fully normal!
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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i sprained my ankle while sitting in my desk chair.
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