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I was sent a job spec that seemed right up my street. It's an old vb6 application that does what it should and they don't really want to replace it yet. What they do want is a link out to a reporting engine.
Generate data sets I think, maybe XML or even populate an external db. Sadly no, the Eejit running the project wants to use a certain product that I will not speak of - lets call it Chrystal Meths. I have politely said I would gladly build the interface to any third party tool they choose, but I will not go near that product.
But surely after you've built the interface it'll be easy to create the reports? "Fnufff!" was my muffled reply.
veni bibi saltavi
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: maybe XML
You lost me...
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You let them call you Shirley?
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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I had to, they have Clarence. 
veni bibi saltavi
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Roger, they had Clarence.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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And he can bugger off as well!
veni bibi saltavi
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Did you ever play one of the SpaceQuest games? They had a character named Roger Wilco. 
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Wasn't the main character Roger Wilco? Plus it also had two guys from Andromeda!
Series is still one of my favorites, kind of lost its way after number three though.
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Right. Roger Wilco was the main character. I might pull my old Atari ST out of the shelf tonight and look for one of the Space Quests in my disk box.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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I'm waiting for Space Venture to finish development (I went in on the kickstarter).
The Two Guys from Andromeda are still around, even though Sierra isn't
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I hunted high and low for the full version of "Space Quest X: Latex Babes of Estros", but no ... 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Then you must live with 'Space Quest 6: The Spinal Frontier' 
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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How about SQ3?
Roger eventually discovers the sinister activities of a video game company known as ScumSoft, run by the "Pirates of Pestulon".
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Charming!! What have I done to offend you?
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C'mon, the report engine to which you refer isn't that bad!  What report engine would you prefer to work with?
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
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In such cases I am asking for a raise and some benefits like a new PC and snacks. 
Maybe it is time to take some drugs to get ready for this dirty job.
Press F1 for help or google it.
Greetings from Germany
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Agile software development[^]
I'm currently in a situation where I constantly run into changing requirements, "misunderstandings" (=other name for changing requirements, but I get the blame), dependencies on moving targets, ...
When I challenged the person in charge (for the lack of design) I got: Yes, but you don't know, and have no experience in, the methodology we're using here. Personally I believe agile is a methodology invented by managers who failed to understand the importance of design and documentation. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure this person has no clue about any methodology, bu rather "goes with the flow".
Though I see a benefit in using this when doing prototyping and/or proof of concepts, I fail to see any value when doing real (operational) products which could (and should) be defined.
Opinions?
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Even if some managers think so, agile does not mean that there is no planning and everything is done whenever someone feels like it.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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please, come explain that here 
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10 months ago I left a company where they also thought that Jedi handwaving was very agile. I just got out and did not waste my time explaining anything.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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V. wrote: Yes, but you don't know, and have no experience in, the methodology we're using here.
Then it is up to him to explain the process to you - and you should be able to challenge every assumption, logical fallacy, incorrect belief that he comes out with. If the process is so strong, he should have no problem with you questioning it.
This space for rent
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true, so he blames in the client. Which is partially true, but personally I would have told the client what they needed to do first before we started anything... 
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This is something I hear often. It's the idea that agile means you can skip the requirements gathering phase altogether. That is not, and never has been, the case. You still need a rough idea of what you're going to build. And it's your responsibility to work, with a representative of the client, to determine at the start of each sprint, what you are going to deliver. That means that they have to have provided enough detail going into the meeting to work out the rough shape and size of each task.
This space for rent
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Even more: Get everything out of the way you can. Your team has to know enough of the architecture and the technologies used so that you can assign them tasks that tell them what needs to be done, not how to do it.
In sprint planning I want to define tasks like this:
We need a new entity named <whatever> that has the following properties: (list), possibly some reference to the requirement documents.
Also, we need a data access object with data access methods to cover the following requirements: (another list of references to the requirements and possibly some elaborations)
No need to lose a word about how to do that, where to place these objects or what technologies to use. My boys know that before writing the first line of code and there probably will be more assignments like this coming their way.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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