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Dear Parking Garage Fail,
After watching your third failed attempt to back your Ford Behemoth into a space this morning I've decided instead of hating you (which obviously doesn't work) that I'd try to model a bit of grace and give you one of three choices:
1: You can buy a smaller car - one you can manage without having a panic attack every time to try to park it, or land it, or dock it - whatever.
2: You can hire a chauffer - this doesn't have to cost a lot as there are numerous driver education students who'd be better at this thing than you and they'd come cheap.
3: You can die in a fire. It can be a house fire, a car fire, or gun fire - I don't care.
The problem isn't time or impatience on my part. The whole reason I leave the house 20 minutes early every morning is in the anticipation of time lost watching you park. I read a book, make phone calls, listen to music and so forth. I can handle the wasted time, no problem.
The issue is that every morning I have to lie awake in bed and somehow conjure up a little bit of hope - just enough hope to keep me from hanging myself. If I ignore the news and plug my ears that little bit of hope can get me through the day; however, just watching your ridiculous attempt to park wipes out all of my hope for humanity and I end up leaving the parking garage fantasizing about the apocalypse.
It would be different if it this were your first time parking - let's say you were teleported here from a different planet or something - however, you're middle aged and you've been parking for at least 3 decades. The question becomes: How can you be so bad at something you've done thousands of times? Are you ignorant or just stupid?
Please get help.
Thanks.
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Do you know who put this on your windshield?
We will all come for moral support when you beat him up.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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I might hate you a little bit.
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<sniff>But why? I wanted to come for moral support.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Can you offer immoral support?
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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Let's not discuss this in public. 
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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i've rarely been tempted to say YES this much 
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
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Now this is brilliant ! 
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Response to MehGerbil:
You try parking you car each morning when some hairy fat old man is watching you from his room, with binoculars and his hand down his trousers doing unmentionable things - then posts about your parking on codeproject!
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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GuyThiebaut wrote: doing unmentionable things
So why do you mention them? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I don't know what you're implying there.
I'm not hairy.
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MehGerbil wrote: I'm not hairy.
Don't try to pull one over on us here - There aren't any hairless gerbils!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Don't google that! 
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i did 
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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Is this like the hairless cat; or a different form of horror.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Both
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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Let's just state that it might or might not involve Richard Gere.
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You forgot the automated park assistant that parks your car in every f*****g spot
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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I remember when I started working many years ago, there was a set time I needed to leave by in order to avoid traffic issues, both going to work and leaving work.
If I didn't leave by set time, it was my fault; not the fault of the other drivers.
So, if one wishes to avoid waiting for a parking spot or seeing someone try to park, one should leave earlier. Simple enough.
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My aunt learnt to drive in the 1970s and quite soon after passing her test took her friends down to the town. One of the friends was amazed when my aunt reversed the car into a parking space. Apparently she did not do reversing, and if it was ever required, her husband did it!
One of our other family stories must date from about 1962 when my father had built himself a small boat. At the weekend we would tow it down to a nearby lake which was at the end of a narrow single track road. One time we met a tractor coming the other way, whereupon my father leant out of the car window and shouted out, "I can't reverse. I've got a trailer". The tractor driver replied, "Well I've got two trailers so you'll have to". I don't remember how long it took him to get out of that mess but later at home he practiced reversing my toy tractor and trailer through an obstacle course laid out on the dining room table until he knew how to do it properly.
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My dad once got stuck with a truck and trailer in Amsterdam during peak traffic.
Amsterdam is just lots of narrow, medieval streets, just wide enough to get through.
Until a pole blocked my dads way. Of course he had to reverse the entire thing, but lots of cars had already gathered behind him.
And so started a half an hour long reverse car polonaise 
He went into the IT field after that
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I love those sort of stories of parents and their family in driving moments..
Best one I ever heard was from my dad. When he was posted in Harrogate in Yorkshire at an Army training camp they decided that he needed to learn to drive to progress up the ranks.
While on the driving lesson he was asked to take the 3rd exit on the roundabout and somehow ended up in the middle of a large roundabout. Second lesson somehow he crashed it into a wooden bus shelter. After that crash he never tried learning to drive until we lived in Londonderry some 10 years later and then he crashed a car into a lamp post.
Eventually he passed his driving test after his 50th birthday and still to this day he doesn't actually drive.
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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I've given up hope on ever becoming good at parking... 
I now have a small car so at least I can park a little sideways and still be in the parking spot.
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