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OK, that's lame. And the suggested solutions, "if-elif-elif-elif-else" or dictionaries or weird plugins are just gross.
That's all folks. Move along now.
Marc
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Yeah, else if would be okay though 
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Quite. Can't stand elif. 
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Yeah, what are they trying to do? Save you three keyboard strokes in favor of a ridiculous non-existing word? Is that ridiculous word going to improve readability because it's just a little bit shorter?
It can be worse though. Haskell, a functional language that usually works with really short variable and function names (to the point where it becomes unreadable), uses otherwise instead of else. That's more than twice as many characters!
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elif? Don't talk to me about elif!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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You do understand that Python is a joke? A bit like C++ but funnier. 
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Could help but notice that elif possesses the phonetic beginning of elephant, so it makes sense...
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Knowing python, they probably built a Case function, but it was so painfully slow that everyone begged them to take it out again.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Hi
One of my colleagues managed to get a ticket for Belgium v Ireland[^] on Saturday 18th of June, but he had completely forgotten that he is actually due to be getting married that day.
He'd put in for the fan ticket lottery and really didn't expect to get a ticket. Anyway - he asked around the office and I'm passing the offer on to anyone out there:- does anyone fancy getting married on Saturday week?
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That got me. Rare, that is.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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That was superb. 
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Don't tempt me! I've already had to stop myself replying to beautiful Russian girl who want sincere friendship tonight! After a jammed toaster and a small fire, the incident of the missing Vegemite, and streaming problems ruining my binge watch of The Tunnel I'm even more bloody fed up with the single life than I already was and that was very, very, very, very!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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Surely, just the vegemite should make you fed up. Vegemite is like drinking alcohol free beer - pointless. Go get a jar of the real stuff - Marmite!
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Just Faarrrkkkk off.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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Vegemite is a marmite wannabe and you soft girlie ozzies eat that crap because you know no better as all descended from crims - I mean the name says it all "Vege"???. 
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9082365 wrote: streaming problems ruining my binge watch of The Tunnel
Someone probably sabotaged your connection. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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She was never going to be ready for Wimbledon this year even if the ban had overturned because she's been suspended since March. It does seem a bit of a weird decision to effectively declare her 'not guilty' and then ban her anyway! Can't see CAS taking too long over throwing it out.
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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I duuno - they don't hide these things, in fact they broadcast them to all relevant parties, so there are quite a few people in her team whose job it was to be aware of what she was taking, and of what was becoming disallowed. Her "I didn't know" defence is a bit like saying "I didn't see the speed limit signs" when the police stop you for speeding. It was on the "bad" list for most of 2015.
And the medication?
"Meldonium is used to treat ischaemia: a lack of blood flow to parts of the body, particularly in cases of angina or heart failure." The Guardian[^] Can you honestly tell me that she had heart problems? And still played top-level tennis?
Or is the Wiki description more likely: "Meldonium may be used to treat coronary artery disease.[4][5] These heart problems may sometimes lead to ischemia, which is essentially not enough blood flowing to the organs in your body, especially the heart in the means of coronary artery disease. Because this drug is thought to expand the arteries, it helps to increase the blood flow as well as increase the flow of oxygen throughout the body" - which is a big boost to athletes...
As far as I can see, there aren't that many options:
1) She was cheating and knew it.
2) She was cheating and someone on her team knew it, but never told her.
3) She's an idiot and someone on her team was seriously incompetent.
4) A nurse sneaked into her room every night and injected her while she was asleep.
3 & 4 I doubt, 2 is unlikely... Occam's Razor strikes again.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Yeah, but ...
All of those scenarios are trumped by the actual decision of the tribunal. They say she didn't know, that she did not intentionally take a performance enhancing drug with a view to gaining advantage. The only thing they're pinging her for is not having someone vet the medicine that she was taking and even that's a bit shaky because if, as they say, she wasn't to know that the newly banned substance was an ingredient, why would she have reviewed something that she had been taking for years without the slightest problem? What actually occurred is, at this stage, irrelevant because the tribunal has determined that scenario 3 in your list is what happened. So they have declared her 'not guilty' of the actual charge yet they are punishing her anyway on the grounds of a procedural failure with which she wasn't charged. Moreover that punishment is not in line with the international standards for such cases taking into account that this is a first offence and according to the tribunal on a lesser offence. The CAS has, I think, no choice but to determine that that is unfair and vacate the decision.
I actually don't have a problem with believing that she has been playing with a heart condition at all. It is not at all unusual for athletes to develop heart conditions* and many of those have not been diagnosed until long after they retired. Famously there are a number of cases where the first and only 'symptom' has been dropping dead! If they stayed in competition not knowing they had a problem then why should someone who has been diagnosed and received appropriate treatment be less able to do so? Frankly sport would more or less cease altogether if everything wrong with athletes was to be considered career ending! They may be fit but they're not healthy!
* A European Society of Cardiology study of more than 2000 athletes eligible for the summer and winter Olympic games and screened for cardiovascular health revealed an unexpectedly high prevalence of cardiovascular conditions, some of which were considered as very serious threats to health.
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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Cool stuff! Where do I get some? 
Will Rogers never met me.
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Miss Grunty probably has a pile of back stock she can't use! 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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So, she took performance enhancing drugs and Serena still beat her day in day out.
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Might explain why she didn't stop taking them?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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They can't do a drugs test on Serena because her c0ck doesn't fit in the bottle.
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