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I don't think a kebab belongs in that list ... 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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Hearts, diamonds, spades, clubs.
"In testa che avete, Signor di Ceprano?"
-- Rigoletto
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CPallini wrote: Hearts, diamonds, spades, clubs.
Except it's clubs, diamonds, hearts, spades 
Mircea
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and notrump 
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Yes , it should.
Which is why they asked me to write the report
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Sander Rossel wrote: Please donate some humor for those of us who were born without
A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an software engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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OriginalGriff wrote: "Well," says the man, "you got to where you are now by producing lots of hot air, you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
FTFY 
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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A policeman pulls a car over when he sees something unusual inside. "Sir, is that a penguin?". "Yes" the driver replies, "...I found him on the side of the road. I'm bringing him to the zoo." The officer thanks him and sends him on his way.
The following day the same policeman sees the same man driving down the same road with a penguin in the car. After pulling him over, the officer asks "I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo?" to which the driver responds "I did. He liked it so much that today I'm bringing him to a baseball game!"
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Wife to husband: I have blisters on my hand from the broom.
Husband to wife: Next time take the car.
The most expensive tool is a cheap tool. Gareth Branwyn
JaxCoder.com
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The wife, who went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: That's such a great idea, hun. I love you so much 😘
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Honest Politician
A businessman went to see a politician to get his work done.
Businessman: I want to present you a brand new car in lieu of the approval for my work.
Politician: No no, I don't want to get it for free. I want to give some money for this car.
Businessman (after some persuasion) : Please give me one dollar for the car.
The politician did not have change, and gave the businessman a 2-dollar currency note.
Businessman (apologizing): Sorry sir, I do not have change of one dollar to return.
Politician: No problem. Just give me another car for my wife.
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Amarnath S wrote: Honest Politician
I honestly thought this was the joke and the rest were going to be other one-liners 
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Here lies the body of our MP
Who promised lots for you and me.
His promises did not fulfil,
And though he's dead, he's lying still.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? He has the sesame seed buns.
To err is human to really elephant it up you need a computer
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
Bob: "Marion... Marion"
Marion: "Is that you, Bob?"
Bob: "Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
Marion: "That's wonderful! What's it like?"
Bob: "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
Marion: "Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
Bob: "No...........I'm a rabbit in Arizona...."
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Grin.....
__________________
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that there are some things I just can’t keep up with, the determination to keep up with the things I must keep up with, and the wisdom to find a good RSS feed from someone who keeps up with what I’d like to, but just don’t have the damn bandwidth to handle right now.
© 2009, Rex Hammock
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Changing the order like vital part (8)
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Well I found a word, using an anagram solver, that I've never heard of and even now I'm not sure if it makes sense, so I'll stay silent as I certainly don't think I've "solved it" even if correct.
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Sounds wrong - with my English it is very unlikely that you never heard of it...
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Hmmm,
Doesn't look like an anagram. A vital part is an organ. The verb suffix ize could mean 'like'.
Changing the order like vital part (8)
Changing the order = definition
like = ize
vital part = organ Organize
If I'm right then the clue is malformed. Hopefully I'm wrong, I don't want to be the setter. 
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I was going on the "part" meaning "an anagram of some of the letter of" and I'm delighted if this is way off beam! Yours sounds a lot better.
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As I told - my English has some flows... more than some...
But your answer gives you only the second place... Which means that you are up tomorrow if nobody else solves it
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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I think you mean flaws
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!" - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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A real long shot.....
How about Reversed = changing the order
like = re
vital part - verse
to make it 8 letters long - d
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