Introduction
Hi, this is the source code for Win95. Fire up your C++
compiler and copy & paste this code. Modify it the way you like and then
compile it !
This is a piece of humor I found on the internet. It
wasn't created by me.
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE
***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include
<spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include
<process.h> /* For the court of law */
#define say(x)
lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year
soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship
another_beta_version
void main()
{
if
(latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if
(there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if
(sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call,
in
lie.h */
if
(rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if
(rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one
month);
order(programmers,
stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers,
start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff,
permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch
(nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case
WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be
ready in", today+30_days," we're just
testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case
WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due
to"
" the 32
bits architecture");
inform(INTEL,
"Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip
plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32
megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our
fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case
DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world
for
everyone");
register(journalist,
Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective
article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay
*/
if
(no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready
in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account +=
150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if
(customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a
software problem");
if
(smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on
this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh &&
marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny,
stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers);
/* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now
everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry
at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon,
make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void
bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if
(customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It
is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when
everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
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