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Whatever happened to Dave - really?
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Chris has him locked in the basement, forcing him to feed hamsters and clean litter... 
But don't tell anyone, it's a secret! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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And then he built an airship to escape...
...and then he crashed it?
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The Zombie Apocalypse* got him...
* Otherwise known as the Luton Conservative Party Local Councillor Selection Committee
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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he's in an endless battle against The Doctor.
I'd rather be phishing!
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Why? The doctor wants to neuter him? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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"The Flying Bum" - Yup, sounds like DD has something to do with it... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I Don't know, but now he has his own shirt.[^]
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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OriginalGriff wrote: ...what did you do to it?
Program it.
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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AGAIN? We haven't forgotten what happened the last time[^]... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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"crashes" 
I hope everybody survived this awful catastrophe and explosion and fire.
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Well, it's the media.
The Red Tops would probably have gone with "Bum Ship Face-Plant" which ironically would be more accurate...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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I found a security vulnerability with Workflow Foundation auto-generated code in my Visual Studio project. Googling was not really helpful and I need to get it fixed asap as per my company's security policy. So I call up Microsoft support number only to be told that the support for my MSDN subscription is set up in India, not US and he gives me an India toll free number. I call up that number only to be told that that number was only for product support, not Technical support. So he gives me another number to call. I call up that number and the guy says that my Contract ID is not established yet so he makes me wait for 5 minutes and says he'll send me an email with required details that I need to fill up and send them back. The email arrives after 10 minutes and says I'll have to wait another day before the Contract can be set up and I can create a support incident.
This was my first support experience with MS, anyone has any experience to share?
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I'm a white American, so I get right through to tech support. I also immediately ask for tier 3 support so I don't have to talk to a guy in India that claims to be "Larry" in Boston.
That is my experience.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: I'm a white American
You mean you have guns of all sizes and don't make it a secret? That's a sure way to get good support anywhere (banks even give you money for free!)  
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Judging from a couple of run-ins I've had with MS support, I'd say your first contact was "relatively successful"
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Henry Skoglund wrote: I'd say your first contact was "relatively successful"
As in "you didn't get attacked by The Borg"?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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We are the Borg. Resistance is the voltage divided by the current.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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You're not done yet. The survey comes next:
"How would you rate your experience with Microsoft support today?
1 Very Satisfied
2 Somewhat Satisfied
3 Somewhat Dissatisfied
4 Very Dissatisfied"
Peter Wasser
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
modified 24-Aug-16 9:24am.
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And they always set that up with dropdowns or radio buttons, because they know if they let you type in a number on that scale, it would always be an integer overflow.
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Ian Shlasko wrote: And they always set that up with dropdowns or radio buttons, because they know if they let you type in a number on that scale, it would always be an integer overflow underflow.
FTFY!
Edit: Whoops, that's a European scale where lower actually means less 
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Ha! See, that's how they get you. You're furious and frustrated, and you want to express your utter hatred of them, so you go to that survey and, without reading the options, SLAM the "0" on your keyboard so hard that the plastic cracks. ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!
So the contracted company providing support services designs the survey to make Zero = "Outstanding".
It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!
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Would that not be the shiz? A test database hooked up to an app that simulates the business that would use the database. Orders being created, unhappy Customers leaving, suppliers redfining their lead time, incorrect invoices being created, etc. The database would not allow public transactions, as that would interfer with the cordination of the test transactions, which are beautifully coreographed, but they could take a copy and then test their own transactions.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. - Liber AL vel Legis 1:40, Aleister Crowley
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Such a database already exists, but we just call it the live (or production) database
Real life testing until it goes wrong, in which care it's just real life
I was considering the joke icon for this one, but then I remembered this wasn't actually a joke with my last employer (and many out there)
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