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Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y’all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr.”"
The passerby asked, "But what’s with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "'Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’"
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ to the North!
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Vivic wrote: nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ to the North!
Maybe not, but my grandparents tried retiring to Florida, but came back to Boston after a year or so.
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Vivic wrote: Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ to the North!
People retire into old people's homes - I don't want to live in one of those either.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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I emailed my friend and told him that my wife, who is in Panama for a few weeks, sent me a picture of her in a hammock with monkeys running around in the trees above her.
He said "That would be something to see, monkeys running around freely".
I told him to turn on CSPAN.
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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Awesome!
The difficult we do right away...
...the impossible takes slightly longer.
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Nice one! 
They are so fast!!!
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Just highlights how much stuff is up there orbiting around. Fascinating
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What I found interesting was the amount of debris created from just one collision (Iridium 33) in low orbit. No wonder there are proposals to create a manoeuvrable satellite to "eat" debris...
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Downstairs in a house are three identical on-off switches.
One of them controls the lamp in the attic.
The puzzle is to work out which switch controls the lamp.
The rules are as follows.
You are allowed to manipulate the switches all you like, and then you are allowed a single trip to the attic.
How do you do it?
To clarify: When you are downstairs there is no way to see into the attic, or see reflected light from the attic.
Once you have gone to the attic you are not allowed back to the switches.
<edit>you can also assume original state of all switches to be off.</edit><hint>Otherwise it won't work</hint>
Note: If you already know the answer, or reads the newspaper where I nicked the puzzle from, then please don’t write it up immediately in the comments!
Give those who have never heard it before a chance to suffer, I mean enjoy finding the solution.
modified 7-Jul-15 16:54pm.
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Two ways I can think of:
1) Look at the effect of each switch on other lights in the house. The one that doesn't have any effect is the attic one (or a bulb is blown)
2) Send the wife up to the attic and tell her to yell when the light goes on!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Those are practical solutions, not adjusted for silly puzzles. My wife wouldn't go up to the attic in any case.
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I'm a practical person! 
Jörgen Andersson wrote: My wife wouldn't go up to the attic in any case.
Too many spiders?
(Can't stand the venomous little buggers, myself)
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Mice traps, or rather the reason for them.
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Yup, same goes to my wife, she wont do it in any case
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OriginalGriff wrote: Send the wife up to the attic and tell her to yell when the light goes on!
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. – Buddha
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- Turn all the switches off;
- Go to the attic;
- Remove the bulb from the lamp;
The correct answer is now "none of them". 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Wouldn't work in this house: some of the switches are "top for off", others are "bottom for off"...
One of these days I'll sort it out, but I'm afraid the writing won't take changes and I don't want to have to redecorate...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Well, he didn't state top or bottom, he stated off.
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If you don't know what they control, you don't know which way is on... 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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OriginalGriff wrote: If you don't know what they control, you don't know which way is on
So if you know that they control a lamp in the attic... 
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The "correct" answer requires knowing when a switch is "on" or "off".
Truth,
James
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Do you know, before you start flipping switches, whether the light is already on?
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Took me a couple minutes, but I remembered the answer... It's a nice warm-up problem...
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