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Mrs Andy_L_J is coming home tomorrow after two weeks in New Zealand.
I have sat on the couch, drank beer, watched cricket and eaten at the pub most days.
No housework has been attempted, except my work clothes were washed and dried.
I know I am in for a Sh*t storm when she gets home so does anyone have any suggestions (other than being Brahms and List when she arrives) that might ensure the continued existence of moi?
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Chocolate and/or flowers? 
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She can't eat chocolate and the flowers would be ...inserted 
I'm thinking last minute business trip to China. 
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Simple - burn the house to the ground...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Now we are getting creative!.
Number "0" on the list.
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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To be sure you get the most out of it:
1. Put one or two of her favorite objects in your pocket
2. Smear some of the dust on your face/clothes
3. Presents the objects as 'survivors' at the first sign of lack of sympathy
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Insurance job eh? I might like that.
Sympathy is not in her DNA however...
Neither sentimentality. 
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Andy_L_J wrote: is not in her DNA however...
You make it sound as if having double X chromosomes is some kind of genetic anomaly. That would really explain a lot.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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Do they have double X chromosomes? Sheit!
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: burn the house to the ground
Best idea ever!
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That's two votes for an insurance job.
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Or try excuse that someone broke into the house last night and made a total mess of the interiour 
Hmm i wonder why its doing that......ARGHS NO STOP, ROLLBACK ROLLBACK...F*** That's how i learned to "Always Backup"!!
Dogs are man's best Friend,
Cats are man's adorable little serial killer
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Tell her you are not able to live without her and show her the result (the dirty home) 
Maybe you'll keep your head then.
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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Ahhhh, the pity angle, may work although it's a long shot.
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Cant you get some cheap immigrant to give the place a tidy up?
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Like your thinking Matt, however the "house-keeper" is attending other duties...
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Surely you can let her get to her feet for a few hours?
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Do you have a nuclear shelter? Fill up the supplies, lock the door from the inside and don't come out until you run out of food or water. And don't forget to measure the radioactivity before opening the door.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
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Possibly six feet down is as far as I'm gonna get!
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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You should tell her you invited your girlfriend who is a little messy to come over and stay with you, and that you were in middle of teaching her (the girlfriend) how to keep the house neat and clean. She (the girlfriend) has just started to pick those things up but she couldn't finish as she (the wife) was back.
You should then politely request her (the wife) to spend a few more days away while she (the girlfriend) can finish with the learning, so next time when she (the wife) returns from vacation, she (the wife) won't find the house messed up. 
Your time will come, if you let it be right.
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Agent__007 wrote: You should tell her you invited your girlfriend...
You don't like me very much do you!
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Call a cleaning company: offer them / him / her significant cash to have it ready by tonight.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Can't be arsed - I'm off to the pub for my dinner.
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
"I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. Fcuk!"
Driven to the arms of Heineken by the wife
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Andy_L_J wrote: I know I am in for a Sh*t storm
Buy more toilet paper.
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Don't you have a big carpet somewhere?
If you don't have that... you are doomed[^]...
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