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This is an account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico ..
For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL .
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT .... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.
I'll get my coat. 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. – Buddha
Simply Elegant Designs Jim<</xml>
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Too funny and yes I know that something like this could be possible, I've ate some of their chili...well in AZ anyway!
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
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When Leslie Nielsen VII sent this in, he was pulled up by Leslie Nielsen IV.![Java | [Coffee]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/coffee.gif)
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JimmyRopes wrote:
I'll get my coat.
No need; that's a perfectly apt description of a real chili cookoff. Somebody really ought to warn the newbies, but it's a lot of fun to watch them. 
Will Rogers never met me.
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OT, how's it going with the toy line inspection equipment?
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The new boss thinks it's probably illegal (incorrect) and there's no shaking him on it... 
Will Rogers never met me.
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I must have a New Mexican in my ancestry somewhere. We have an annual Chili Day here at work and the hotness scales are Mild, Medium, Hot, and Nuclear Waste (no kidding). I've tried them all, and the N.W. types are a bit on the nippy side, but that's all.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Yeah, I've been to a few chili cookoffs, and most produce chili that's about as spicy as what I can buy in a can at the grocery store. Boring!
Will Rogers never met me.
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JimmyRopes wrote: and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting
Good so far..
JimmyRopes wrote: Coors Light
I thought you said "beer"? 
How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
modified 31-Aug-21 21:01pm.
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JimmyRopes wrote: I'll get my coat.
I thought it was funny.
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183? Did they cut him open and count his rings? 
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Oh yeah Oscar I remember him when he was just a youngun. 
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
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If you were making a Game Engine, what would you call it?
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call it V8 before V8.1 and finally V10
entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem
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Probably My Game Engine. It raises an existential question. "A great name but no game engine or a great game engine with no name?". Think of the horse and cart metaphor.
Peter Wasser
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
modified 4-Feb-15 20:07pm.
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"Awesome Game Engine"
B
....well he asked
MCAD
---
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no thats a silly name
MCAD
---
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A.G.E
A Game Engine
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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"Me En the Gin Age" -> (anagram of "The Game Engine")
Or simply,
"No Game Engine"
Your time will come, if you let it be right.
modified 4-Feb-15 23:45pm.
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You can learn a thing or two from the current AAA game engine!
CryEngine[^]: The realism is so real that it makes you want to cry!
Unreal[^]: The realism is so real that gamers has to reminded that it is unreal!
You can call your game engine, Bluffed.
Bluffed: The realism is so real that everyone is bluffed into believing!
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