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These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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I have failed to learn from history and that is why I am repeating it!![Rose | [Rose]](https://www.codeproject.com/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
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Could be worse - you could be trying to explain it... 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Look somewhat familiar?[^]
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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I like the "What did your last slave die of?".
It may be useful in QA, imho.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who separate humankind in two distinct categories, and those who don't.
"I have two hobbies: breasts." DSK
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It's cruel!
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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A tea bag stays longer in the Cup
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Very good. We'll be seeing your nations team in the next round then will we?
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Oh yes. They are playing England...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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A certain Pompey guy still supports tea bags...
THESE PEOPLE REALLY BOTHER ME!! How can they know what you should do without knowing what you want done?!?!
-- C++ FQA Lite
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I only just saw this. I'm an Italian supporter for the next 2 games, if you win them both and we beat Costa Rica then we get to go out in the next round instead.
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P0mpey3 wrote: I'm an Italian supporter for the next 2 games
This makes me tremble a bit. 
By the way I didn't watch last England match. I enjoyed England vs Italy, a game played well on both sides, in my opinion.
THESE PEOPLE REALLY BOTHER ME!! How can they know what you should do without knowing what you want done?!?!
-- C++ FQA Lite
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Yeah I thought before the game that our young forwards would get the better of your defenders. But was really impressed with the Italian defence after you went 2-1 up, it was obvious we wasn't going to score.
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CPallini wrote: I enjoyed England vs Italy, a game played well on both sides, in my opinion.
I especially like the fact you give the Italian Olympic Diving team something to do between Olympics.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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 envious
THESE PEOPLE REALLY BOTHER ME!! How can they know what you should do without knowing what you want done?!?!
-- C++ FQA Lite
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P0mpey3 wrote: I'm an Italian supporter
Sure you're not just an athletic supporter? 
You'll never get very far if all you do is follow instructions.
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I do not want to know how many days your teabag stays in your cup. 
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I've heard he likes a good teabagging, could be weeks.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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1. Your country has never even qualified for a World Cup.
2. England aren't yet mathematically out, if we can beat CR and Italy win their two games we can still finish above CR and Uruguay on goal difference.
3. Even if we were, you should be posting this about Spain, Cameroon and Australia instead.
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0. Never start a list with 1.
That was intended to be a joke anyway, chill down.
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It's finally occurred to me that when it is a pattern, it is by definition inefficient and counter productive.
It became clear as I am surrounded by guys swearing by pattern this, pattern that!
If it's a good technique why do you need to impose it? Shouldn't it self evidently win everyone heart?
Nope because patterns are more like religion, used stubbornly in spite of contrary evidence.
I rather prefer the term technique. Technique is something you should learn first. Then you use it or not, whether it helps you or not. And its need is self evident. If it's not obviously needed there is no need to use or impose it either.
Plus one can improve upon a technique, whereas one cannot touch the holy pattern until a new software best seller fad comes along! 
Remark maybe it has nothing to do with pattern but more to do with stupid people imposing their rote learning on me... 
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