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Hey, only split hares if you're making stew!
And don't forget the dumplings.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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But is bloody useless!
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity -
RAH
I'm old. I know stuff - JSOP
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...and they are pushing the new series of Grand Tour* with banner headlines. Featuring a hashtag: #amazonshitcarshow
I'm sure they know, but it pleased the small child in me anyway. 
* Which came out yesterday, glad they are dropping the tent stuff for season four, it was very weak this time round.
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Never throw anything away, Griff
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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I never actually got past season 1 it all seemed way to contrived, it seemed to be all about the people and the slap stik not the cars.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity -
RAH
I'm old. I know stuff - JSOP
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Person == daughter or wife. They have a general idea what they want, but for "features"? clueless. Does it turn on, and is it pretty?
Your budget is less than $1K USD. For me, I can almost pull the trigger, then I read reviews. Great, great, .... sucks, sucks. Panic ensues 
Answers:
1) Hand them a credit card. Send them on their way.
2) Less than 1 hour. They are getting your old laptop, *you* are getting a new one
3) Less than 4 hours.
4) Less than 1 day.
5) 2-5 days.
6) Run away
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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7. Management 5th amendment: "it all depends"
Computer literate?
a. no: MacBook
b. yes:Dell (15 days or so to send back if no like)
(they all suck)
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
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It shouldn't take more than an hour or so to pick one out. Remind them that arranging any warranty repair is on them because they're the ones using it.
Given that they're girls, they're probably not interested in the weight associated with a 17-inch laptop, so that should keep the cost down. If they're not gamers, even better in terms of cost. 8GB of RAM is a the minimum Id recommend, and if they're especially clumsy, get a machine that already has a ssd in it. You can't generally kill a SSD when you drop the laptop.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Just buy the pink one.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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My daughter would drop kick me down the hallway.... . She wants John's muscle car.
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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You have raised a daughter of taste and eloquence.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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cleaning laptop screen of coffee...
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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its better to go for a new gen i5 and 8 gigs + an ssd if they don't do much...don't buy anything hifi and you'll end up regretting it..rather show them a couple of models and ask them to pick...
Caveat Emptor.
"Progress doesn't come from early risers – progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things." Lazarus Long
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6
I have found that the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished" is so applicable here that I don't play "Mr know anything at all" anymore.
I wonder if car dealerships get calls when people can't find their car car keys.
I swear, if we do or say or have any proximity to a computer decision then we'll be the first person they run to when they get into internet trouble.
Otherwise they act all smart and smug about everything else under the sun.
So I quit. Especially with kin.
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The deed is done, I'm sure she will be happy. I am very disappointed in the level of abuse I did not receive. You guys in the shadows are wittier than you know.... 
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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So what did you get?
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Eany meanie - the silver one. Gave her a choice of two, she picked the HP Envy. 8th gen core i5, etc. In less than a day, she already figured out how to move her Office license and all her files, no support from me. I'm impressed (shocked actually  )
Charlie Gilley
<italic>Stuck in a dysfunctional matrix from which I must escape...
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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Less than one hour, without me selecting, but them.
ANY modern laptop will outperform the machines from five years ago, so any cheap modern laptop will do. Go to the store, ask for the cheapest one with an SSD drive, and Windows preinstalled.
No, I will not put any illegal versions on there.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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5) by now, task still open.
Several hours asking her needs (daughter, at university), several hours comparing and finding a recommendation.
Half a day going with her to a store, showing her the models I thought could be okay.
No decision. This one has too small arrow keys, that one has the wrong look, ...
Some more hours for more recommendations and discussions.
Ongoing.
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2-5 days. Simply because I want to get the best deal... my wife isn't versed in proper maintenance of computers but she sure as hell does a ton of things - from video editing to photoshop passing through almost anuthing barring developement.
GCS d--(d+) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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< 5 minutes in WalMart. Mrs. Wife is hard on laptops. The new one she got for Christmas is her fifth since I last bought one for me. There's no point in spending a lot of money or effort, since it's going to last only a year and a half or so.
Software Zen: delete this;
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No time at all.
My wife is a devout luddite.
My daughter is fiercely independent and never asks for anything but money. Even then she goes to her Mother.
Stamp out acronyms. Make communications clear.
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Tell them to go to Costco and pick out an available laptop they like. Great return policy. Decent computer "concierge" support. If something terrible goes wrong with it, it can even be returned past the 90 days.
<hr>
"Qulatiy is Job #1"
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they ALL get a chromebook cuz i WON'T maintain it.
And they're like $350 for one with HD.
unless they're ACTUALLY capable of keeping windows alive.
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6) Run away,
Any tech I recommend (or buy as a gift) from a Roomba to Kindle to Laptop. I always get the call when it fails.
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7) If they want Dad's tech support services, they use what Dad tells them to use. If not, they can choose, buy, and support it for themselves.
Money makes the world go round ... but documentation moves the money.
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