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I just had a near-sex experience - my whole wife flashed before my eyes.
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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You coitus unprepared with that one! That was one hell-vulva pun!
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Outstanding retort!
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Better than hall sex.
Every time you pass in the hall you mutter "elephant you"
Technician
1. A person that fixes stuff you can't.
2. One who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.
JaxCoder.com
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Made me think of this:
"My wife used to be afraid of the dark, but then she saw me naked. Now she is afraid of the light." -Rodney Dangerfield
“The palest ink is better than the best memory.” - Chinese Proverb
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ah Rodney Dangerfield: so often proved that old nugget:
"If you can't laugh at yourself you're missing the best joke(s)."
(and really the way he told those sorts of jokes it wasn't hard to put yourself in his place.)
One of the few US comedians I actually found to be truly funny.
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I have my own quote (not having heard that particular RD quote, but it's similar:
I you can't laugh at yourself then everyone else will do it for you. - Me
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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lopatir wrote: One of the few US comedians I actually found to be truly funny.
As it turns out, much comedy doesn't translate well between cultures.
Burns & Allen - incredibly funny: Vaudeville, Radio, and then TV - and it kept working. It does require some mastery of the English language that I don't even think millennials have or will ever have.
I realeize it would be a waste of ink to go through a list.
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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you've just experienced an outer body event
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Thanks for keeping us abreast of events.
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A farmer drove to his neighbors farm house and knocked on the door.
A boy about 9 opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home asked the farmer".
"No they went to town".
"How about your brother Howard is he here?"
"No he went to town with mom and dad".
The farmer stood there shifting from one foot to the other mumbling to himself,
when the young boy says "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrwo one or leave dad a message".
"Well" said the farmer uncomfortably, "No I really need to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a memento, then says, "You'll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea what he charges for Howard".
I'll get my coat and show myself out.
Technician
1. A person that fixes stuff you can't.
2. One who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.
JaxCoder.com
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Could have been worse:
A farmer drove to his neighbors farm house and knocked on the door.
A boy about 9 opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home asked the farmer".
"No they were run over by the tractor".
"How about your brother Howard is he here?"
"No, no he also was run over by the tractor.".
"And now what are you doing here when you are now all alone?"
"Take the tractor for a spin again?"
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Sick...I like it!
Technician
1. A person that fixes stuff you can't.
2. One who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.
JaxCoder.com
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He's all right now! 
Ba-Tish!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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That's what's left of him
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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As I see it, there's probably nothing left of him.
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Right you are! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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You should have left it at that post.
"It is easy to decipher extraterrestrial signals after deciphering Javascript and VB6 themselves.", ISanti[ ^]
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Did you hear about the woman who backed into the propeller?
Dis-assed-her!
I, for one, like Roman Numerals.
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I was so dissappointed when ARM developed a low energy graphics chip design, and did not call it LEG. I was hoping to get myself a machine with two ARMs and two LEGs.
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Long gone are the days when AGNUS, DENISE and PAULA suddently worked for a rival company of their predecessors ANTIC, POKEY and GTIA.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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...I was like 0mg! 
Ba-Tish! Don't worry, I've got more!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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Yeah, the alternative to telling jokes is that I work of course, so I really have no choice... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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