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Just saw this one on a job posting:
Job post: Must be a team player that works with a sense of urgency.
Okay, there are two translations that come to mind:
1) "works with a sense of urgency" --
Translates to..."Drinks a lot of water but is allowed no restroom breaks" 
2) Must be a team player that works with a sense of urgency -- Translates to, "Don't be griping when we tell you late Friday afternoon that the thing has got to be done by Monday morning!"
Also notice that they are looking for a "team player that" and not a "team player who" which indicates that they think of you as any other piece of office equipment (chair, desk, etc.) since you're a that and not a who. 
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Glass half empty
#SupportHeForShe
Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson
You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun
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TheGreatAndPowerfulOz wrote: Glass half empty
Why, yes, of course. It was full, but it was the job posting that poured out the top half.
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Some people think the glass is half empty, other think the glass is half full.
Engineers think the glass is twice as big as necessary.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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LOL. 
#SupportHeForShe
Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson
You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun
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Technically, the glass is always full.
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Unless it is a quantum glass. Then it is full and empty at the same time.
Da Bomb
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Indeed.
"Sense of urgency" means the boss wants you to feel as stressed out as she does.
Some years ago my wife had a boss who complained she had no sense of urgency, but her co-workers said she "had a calming effect on the office".
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When you're stressed out you're less productive and make more errors.
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Everyone know that. Except inept bosses, of course.
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The hurrier i go, the further behind I get. My grandpa had a sign that said that. 
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PIEBALDconsult wrote: her co-workers said she "had a calming effect on the office".
Translation: "I fall asleep whenever I hear her speak"?
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I'm referring you to Assets as your corporate obedience training has not taken and you are defective merchandise.
Real programmers use butterflies
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honey the codewitch wrote: your corporate obedience training has not taken and you are defective merchandise
Quite true.
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Quote: you're a that and not a who
Funny, I used to think of my bosses as thats, as in "That so-and-so!" 
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You will be assigned with wathever your co-workers don't manage to do and we will need it for yesterday.
In germany, they say: TEAM (Toll Ein Anderer Macht's = Nice, someone else will do it)
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Nelek wrote: You will be assigned with wathever your co-workers don't manage to do and we will need it for yesterday.
So true!
Nelek wrote: In germany, they say: TEAM (Toll Ein Anderer Macht's = Nice, someone else will do it)
That is a perfect explanation of how teams work. No worries, because someone else will do it.
Wally is my hero! The Illusion Of Work - Dilbert Comic Strip on 2017-01-18 | Dilbert by Scott Adams[^]
All you need is a team and a RED FOLDER!
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This sounds a bit like my current workload. Four high priority projects that have all been assigned over the last two weeks.
I can concentrate on one, maybe two, in which case something will actually be completed. Or I can try to split my time between all four, in which case nothing will actually be completed.
I classify this as manager with zero common sense.
"...JavaScript could teach Dyson how to suck." -- Nagy Vilmos
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Z.C.M. wrote: I classify this as manager with zero common sense.
Oh, I've met lots and lots of managers who don't meet that description.
Until I worked for a couple of global companies (that I daren't mention by name), I didn't know that common sense could go into negative figures.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Not exactly related, but this notice was found in front of a software company, more than 25 years ago:
TRESPASSERS WILL BE RECRUITED.
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sounds like "galley slave" to me 
Press F1 for help or google it.
Greetings from Germany
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raddevus wrote: which indicates that they think of you as any other piece of office equipment (chair, desk, etc.) since you're a that and not a who.
Which presumably explains why we all stopped being "persons" looked after by a "Personnel" department and became "Resources" looked after by an HR department.
A move which must have cost billions in terms of new business cards, signage, changes to websites, quality manuals, letterheads etc etc for absolutely no perceivable benefit. And every company blindly followed all the others ... 
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Most of the key phrases I remember mean you don't want to work here!
Seeking rock-star programmer -- We want someone who believes, "the show must go on" and will sacrifice their time, their health, their life, to get our software out the door. Oh yeah, and they can make a compiler sing, too.
Fast paced environment -- We want someone who will work their ass off nights and weekends because the pace is so fast that it takes 60 hours a week to match it.
Someone who can get up to speed quickly -- Our code base is a cesspool of technical debt, but don't expect any onboarding, and don't expect us to cut you any slack for not knowing what the people who made the mess know about the code.
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I know each of these translations (in this thread) to be both correct and true. I am utterly flabbergasted by how often these phrases are used in job descriptions. I suspect they use them to keep mature programmers away, and to hire naive ones who can be abused.
I should have a .sig here, somewhere. Maybe Kibo can lend me some of his.
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