|
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me out from the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."
|
|
|
|
|
I'll get your coat. 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. – Buddha
Simply Elegant Designs Jim<</xml>
|
|
|
|
|
By just reading the title I thought you are teaching coder to properly wear a suit with waistcoat to look like a business manager.
|
|
|
|
|
...these two are.[^]
WTF?
(SFW)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
---
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
---
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
|
|
|
|
|
I think you just insulted fruitcakes!
modified 2-Feb-15 21:29pm.
|
|
|
|
|
"She said the voices wanted her to leave her body and come with them but she decide against that because she wanted to stay with her family."
Sounds like her mind has long left her body behind. Her family must be thanking the aliens for how lucky they are to still have her with them though 
How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
modified 31-Aug-21 21:01pm.
|
|
|
|
|
Article writer, former Microsoft PM and all round awesome chap, @Karl-Shifflett is taking a stand and doing something pretty amazing[^]. I have been following his journey and he has highlighted the plight of some amazing people and the fantastic response some people have given, helping out.
|
|
|
|
|
 
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
---
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
---
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
|
|
|
|
|
Pretty amazing!
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
|
|
|
|
|
Nice!
/ravi
|
|
|
|
|
Pete O'Hanlon wrote: Article writer, former Microsoft PM and all round awesome chap, @Karl-Shifflett is taking a stand and doing something pretty amazing[^]. I have been following his journey and he has highlighted the plight of some amazing people and the fantastic response some people have given, helping out.
I can't believe that some twat has names their kid Trucker. Does he have a brother Plumber?
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
|
|
|
|
|
Michael Martin wrote: I can't believe that some twat has names their kid Trucker. Does he have a brother Plumber?
Easy mistake to make! They didn't name him after the occupation, they were using rhyming slang...
PooperPig - Coming Soon
|
|
|
|
|
My gf is roasting chestnuts because she feels like stabbing something today.   
Marc
|
|
|
|
|
And, how are you feeling, Marc ?
Perhaps putting on the dulcet voice of the one and only Nat King Cole singing "Roasting Chestnuts" will be just the homeopathic remedy She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed needs to transmute her dangerously over-flowing shakti energy into a domesticated purr ? [^].
«I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.» Eric Lippert, Microsoft, 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Marc Clifton wrote: My gf is roasting chestnuts
Are you being literal, or is this some sort of metaphor I'm not familiar with?
|
|
|
|
|
dandy72 wrote: Are you being literal,
Literal. We still have some chestnuts from Christmas, and we don't exactly roast them, just toss them in the toaster oven for 20 minutes or so. But you have to slit them first, hence the "I feel like stabbing something" line. 
Marc
|
|
|
|
|
Marc Clifton wrote: But you have to slit them first, hence the "I feel like stabbing something" line
Stock more, then...y'know, just in case...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Awesome. Approve of the trade, do I.
|
|
|
|
|
I got a kid that's looks like Yoda I wonder if that would work? 
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
|
|
|
|
|
Can he levitate X-wing fighters?
It was broke, so I fixed it.
|
|
|
|
|
No but he can arm fart the Star Wars theme!
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
|
|
|
|
|
You've just found your next POTUS.
|
|
|
|
|
That would certainly be a step up!
Would I have to get him the proper attire? clickity[^]
New version: WinHeist Version 2.1.0
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too but the possibilities are endless.
|
|
|
|
|
I'll trade Pete's guitar to see that! 
It was broke, so I fixed it.
|
|
|
|
General 
News 
Suggestion 
Question 
Bug 
Answer 
Joke 
Praise 
Rant 
Admin 
Submit an article or tip
