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I wrote some pretty complex material requirements planning stuff many years ago.
After several days of:
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
ME: Okay, in what way?
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
ME: Okay, but are they high or low?
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
ME: Can you give me a specific product as an example? Maybe let me know what numbers you'd be expecting to see there?
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
ME: They are, look! Here's the calculation performed manually across 8 sheets of A4 just to prove it.
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
ME: Would you actually notice if I was talking in Swahili right now?
CUSTOMER: These figures aren't right!
repeated ad nauseum.
Running out of ideas, I touched the executable, stuck it in an envelope (we had tapes and disks in those days, not networks) and sent him the "new" version.
CUSTOMER: I'm not sure what you've changed but it's totally fixed it!
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
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Sounds like Eddie Murphy[^] 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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and that's experience, yeah programming better blah blah, it's dealing with people that matters.
customer is king, when they want something just give them "something," works every time.
they think they won, and you save yourself a headache.
it was actually better in the days of tapes/disks/cd's, they could point at it and say "look, we got a new one."
... in fact occasionally (particularly older clients) I'll hand over a thumb drive (usually an older one I didn't use any more as long as it looks clean - or go to the dollar store and buy a cheap multi pack.)
most important part: be sure to tell them, "keep this in a safe place, it's your master copy."
yeah, sure you loaded it on their machine(s), but when they get that "master copy" in their hands then they got something real that they can feel and touch. (don't be surprised if they ask the secretary/accountant to put it in the archives or even in a safe.)
Message Signature
(Click to edit ->)
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Lopatir wrote: I'll hand over a thumb drive (usually an older one I didn't use any more as long as it looks clean - or go to the dollar store and buy a cheap multi pack.)
Bonus points for spray painting them with shiny chrome paint. Not the usually glitter metalic paint, really shiny chrome.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Reminds me of my university days. We had a project and we had to show a draft to our tutor. Once we've told: "I've adjusted according to your previous comments" the project got accepted. Some clever dudes said that they've adjusted project even though there were no comments and they got their project accepted. Those who didn't say magic spell failed.
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In similar vein on stage, when setting sound levels, the sound man will often lean over and adjust the "DFA" control in response to requests to "move me forward in the mix". DFA, of course, being "does F**k all".
When lighting the stage, the director may ask for a subtle change and can often be satisfied by raising and lowering the faders a couple of times then getting the desk to sneak the levels back to where they started ...
modified 15-Mar-19 10:02am.
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I can relate, I can remember when we used to give our former drummer the "Linda McCartney mic", the one where he was the only one who could hear himself in the submix, but was muted for the audience. We never told him, but he always raved about how much he added to the vocals... RIP poor fellow.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Meanwhile, in the UK, we all have less than three weeks left to implement "Making Tax Digital" to satisfy HMRC.
The API we need to call[^] is still in Beta, with a warning to "expect some breaking changes".
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Richard Deeming wrote: The API we need to call[^] is still in Beta, with a warning to "expect some breaking changes".
Is the operative word "breaking"? 
I've been where you are -- 3 months before delivery and we're required to use Module X.
"When will we get Module X?"
"6 months."
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I spent 7 years working for Florida state government in the US. I learned a lot about the bureaucratic, "job for life", mentality. When I left in 1995 to go back to the private sector, it was a breath of fresh air.
Fast forward to 2019, and now even medium-sized businesses I have experience with or knowledge of in the US are exhibiting the same mindless, irrational, processes and mindset I found in government.
I sure wish I had managed my money better in earlier decades so I could run my own business (again) and only deal with customers and technology. 
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Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
"If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Good find many good but this stuck out; Web Development With Assembly!
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too!
JaxCoder.com
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What exactly is so unusual about that?
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Not a thing if you have about 2 years to waste!
I'm currently unsupervised, I know it freaks me out too!
JaxCoder.com
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You mean in comparison to the time many already waste on JavaScript? It can only get better.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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I think I really need the "Variable Naming" book!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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I just sent a mail to my boss. If we have any of these books, he will know where they are.
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Gold! 
/ravi
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The Unicode Explained brought tears to my eyes. Not for the NSF cover pic, but for the author's name! 
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This I'll bookmark, for this is precisely why I'm on CP.
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Thanks man! So much wasted time ahead!
"Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity."
- Hanlon's Razor
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Shorten dog-end (7)
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain
modified 14-Mar-19 5:27am.
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CURTAIL
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Never throw anything away, Griff
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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PFFT... at least I thought to refresh the page before typing the answer
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