|
somehow an monozygotic ghost!
|
|
|
|
|
Looks like some team should get some kind of colored card for too many men on the field though.
Sorry I'm not well versed in Soccer.
|
|
|
|
|
Looks a bit like Arthur Dent, trying for a 'personal best' from a parallel universe. But how probable is that?
Will Rogers never met me.
|
|
|
|
|
"This 'Friend of Dorothy' wears a dress when being extremely enthusiastic."(2,2,4)
Not hard.
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
|
|
|
|
|
This 'Friend of Dorothy' TOTO
wears a dress GOWN
when being extremely enthusiastic.
GO TO TOWN
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
|
|
|
|
|
It is hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they always take things literally. 
Entropy isn't what is used to be.
Why do engineers confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
A roman in a bar holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers please".
Shrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And does not.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot-dog stand and says "make me one with everything"
There is a band named 1023MB. They have not had any gigs yet... 
[getting my coat]
Loading signature...
. . . Please Wait . . .
|
|
|
|
|
Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
Because of the coffin!
I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans,
it's soda pressing.
I've got a fear of two-letter words,
I get scared just thinking about it.
Did your hear about the Italian Chef that died? He pasta way!
I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had,
he started counting then fell asleep.
And on the same note:
The three greatest lies told by a New Zealander:- 1. My grandmother was a Maori princess 2. I once tried out for the 'All Blacks'
3. Honest. I was only trying to help it over the fence.
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
Did you hear about the psychic Eskimo?
Inuit All
If you haven't worn a blindfold at a shooting range before, you should do it,
you don't know what you're missing.
I'll get my coat as well and join you... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
|
|
|
|
|
One or two smiles but your counting is a worry.
Peter Wasser
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
|
|
|
|
|
pwasser wrote: your counting is a worry.
Presumably a zero based array?
|
|
|
|
|
It's formatting for better delivery. Most of them COULD be written on one line... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
|
|
|
|
|
Every picture is of you when you were younger.
I’m a hard act to follow, because when I’m done, I take the microphone with me. 
This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.
Johnny J. wrote: I'll get my coat as well and join you...
hopefully they have a coat rack at this rate 
Loading signature...
. . . Please Wait . . .
|
|
|
|
|
"They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now."
Bob Monkhouse
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
|
|
|
|
|
I just Googled Bob Monkhouse for the heck of it, and in the Wikipedia article, I noticed this quote:
"So you are half Welsh and half Hungarian, that means you are well-hung!"
I didn't really find it all that funny, and I can't help feeling sorry for Griff upon learning that Mrs. OG seems to have had an affair with Nagy...
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
|
|
|
|
|
So this baby seal walks into a club...
Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. ~ George Washington
|
|
|
|
|
Man Kind?[ ¸ ]
Loading signature...
. . . Please Wait . . .
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde walks into a bar.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant!
What do you call a blonde with 3 brain cells? Twins!
Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc? A ginger kid has 2 friends!
What's the difference between a shoe and a ginger? A shoe has a soul!
How do Gingers do a high-five? Clap!
[I am a redhead, I've already got my coat on]
[Modified = Sorry I realise you said "GOOD" one liners, my bad.]
Simon Lee Shugar (Software Developer)
www.simonshugar.co.uk
"If something goes by a false name, would it mean that thing is fake? False by nature?" By Gilbert Durandil
|
|
|
|
|
2 brain cells? future blonde?
3 brain cells? two future blondes!
|
|
|
|
|
A special one liner[©] just for you. 
Loading signature...
. . . Please Wait . . .
|
|
|
|
|
The terrorist plot to disrupt the festivities in Pamplona was abominable.
You'll never get very far if all you do is follow instructions.
|
|
|
|
|
"Kids these days, they blow up so fast!" - Achmed
Loading signature...
. . . Please Wait . . .
|
|
|
|
|
|
Success with your first test then, you should go far.
|
|
|
|
|
Nobody here but us chickens.
|
|
|
|
|
Now I feel like a fool, I'm a duck. 
|
|
|
|
|
DUCK![^]
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-----
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
|
|
|
|
General 
News 
Suggestion 
Question 
Bug 
Answer 
Joke 
Praise 
Rant 
Admin 
Submit an article or tip
