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I know I've only had two FFS.
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My granddaughter posted a message on farcebook a while ago saying, "if he remembers the colour of your eyes after the first date, then you must have very small tits".
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Really warms a grandfathers heart to hear, right? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I don't think it was meant for me.
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So was that her way of subtlety suggesting all older family members unfriend her without being rude enough to come out and say it?
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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In the original (kids'!) story the slipper originally fits one of the ugly sisters so the prince takes her back to his castle to be his wife.
So yeah....go to bed with a stunner and wake up with a fat pig....yup, just life life 
On the way back a dove points out the slipper is covered in blood. The reason the slipper fit the ugly sister was because she has cut off her toes.
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The quote "I'm sorry, are you from the past?" feels appreciate here 
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She ran off so he wouldn't see her returned to rags.
I've always thought if she'd just blown him in the gardens he wouldn't have cared at all when that happened.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Or got naked.
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
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I thought the morale of the story was that a pair of shoes that have been weared once cannot be weared anymore. But I may be wrong...
I never finish anyth
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And when you reach the latter half of adulthood it's the ...
PompeyThree wrote: guy gets off with girl
... that seems far-fetched! 
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The sad truth is that at midnight her Tampax turned back into a pumpkin and she exploded in front of the prince. And as the prince had a foot fetish there and then started his journey for searching feet like hers 
There is only one Vera Farmiga and Salma Hayek is her prophet!
Advertise here – minimum three posts per day are guaranteed.
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Seems like a lot of work. That sort of explosion should leave the feet intact. Just toss 'em in the microwave for few seconds before you want to use 'em. 
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I can't get into my Virgin email at the moment so went to their service status page and found the following on the TV status section:
"You might find that youre not able to watch Eastenders from 09-11-2015 and 10-11-2015. Masterchef Professionals 10-11-201 on your Virgin Media TV Catch Up, On Demand or TV Choice service at the moment."
Who would want to watch Eastenders? Not me!
=========================================================
I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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Herself records (to make sure she doesn't miss anything) and watches Neighbours. 
I run away and hide under headphones on the computer...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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OriginalGriff wrote: Herself records (to make sure she doesn't miss anything) and watches Neighbours.
Mate, you've already described about having to buy your own Christmas Pressie, and now this! Pretty sure it's grounds for divorce.
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There are ... compensations.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Such as?  Just want to compare the notes
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------
Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
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OriginalGriff wrote: watches Neighbours
That's her, me, and Philip Pullman (author of the multi-award winning Dark Materials Trilogy, soon to be a BBC TV serial) then. The last named cites it as 'pure storytelling' and an essential part of his creative life!
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Chris Quinn wrote: Masterchef Professionals 10-11-201 on your Virgin Media
I would watch that! Whose the best at cooking rats on a campfire.
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I just checked mine its OK, I logged in with no problems. They do delete old email accounts after 90 days of inactivity, perhaps that's the issue.
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Thank God I'm on Sky, I f****** love EastEnders.
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Quote: youre not able to
Shouldn't that be "you're not able to"? Better would be "you're unable to".
Doesn't anyone know how to speak the Queen's English these days?
...or, for those linguistically challenged:
Don't no-one no how to talk proper no more?
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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Patrick Gordon; in answer to you're question.
And, yes, he's still around. I'm personally vouching for this.
Here's a linkidink:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2036436/?ref_=fn_al_tt_9[^]
Spoiler Alert! It's quite sad when one of the team dogs is torn to shreds by three others so ...
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A very unpleasant place around request for language (7)
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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