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Calibre, the e-book manager, was the worst. Haven't used it in a while so I don't know what it's like now but there used to be an update available every time you opened it!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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The only thing I use java for at home is to run a utility bot in an IRC channel. After swearing at the bot being a buggy PoS for a half dozen years I've finally started to do something about it. I found a .net irc library, pillaged one of it's sample projects, and after 2 evenings of screwing around have something approaching a minimal functioning replacement written. If I'm there yet comes down to if the baseline framework handles reconnects automatically - I didn't feel like elephanting with the connection on my main PC last night to test - need to plonk VS on my laptop for that. My next step after that's probably to throw it over the wall, and unlock the half-baked github resume achievement.
Post deployment, it'll be 3 billion minus 2. 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Way to go! 
At this rate we'll cut it down to 2 billion in no time! 
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. — Lyall Watson
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"I get this error"
What I have tried:
"I get this error"
The brand new 'carbon copy feature' of QA. 
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Have you tried turning it off, and back on again?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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"I've not yet tried what you're likely to suggest".
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I am not suggesting what you likely would have tried!
Get me coffee and no one gets hurt!
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I'm missing
What I have not tried:
It should be preset with:
Googling for [insert subject like error message here] because then I have to read multiple links while the folks at CP will do that for me.
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<h2>Describe the problem</h2>
<textarea id="question" name="question" onkeyup="document.getElementById('tried').value = this.value;"></textarea>
<h2>What have you tried?</h2>
<textarea id="tried" name="tried"></textarea>
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The OP noticed that "What have I tried" is a trick question.
Peter Wasser
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
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I tried gin. I'm not sure it was the answer but decided it was worth a shot.
veni bibi saltavi
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I don't give up quickly so I usually give gin a few shots.
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Don't forget to respond to every reasonable answer with "Already tried that; doesn't work". 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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And then, "I solved it myself by doing [exactly what all the respondants suggested]". 
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Have you tried depositing a substancial amount of money into my Swiss bank account??? 
I guarantee you it will solve all problems!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Why no - I haven't!
What a brilliant idea - all I need are your bank details... 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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I've seen this in the "What have you tried" section:
eoitgjrpoihueoriheorehrgehprugiehrpheruhqeprhepruhepriugtgroijeflgkjerlgjerlg
Oh, yes, that makes it much clearer.
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That's Monte Carlo method! 
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Sheep skins for devastated blossom (10)
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Don't see how it can be but to get things started ...
RAMSHACKLE?
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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Your time is up - answer please
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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He has another 45 minutes - it's a four hour game, he just started late.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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OK - you are up again tomorrow - so what's the answer?
The best I could come up with was RAMSHORN - a US flower apparently, but that's only 8 letters...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Looks like he needs to change his moniker to NeverHereWhenYouWantMe!!!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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Sorry, I was sleeping. Problem with being in NZ (the only problem with being in NZ). These get posted around 9/10 pm, and 4 hours later, I'm sleeping.
Solution is:
Sheep Skins = fleeces
devastated is anagram indicator
fleeces+for = effloresce = blossom
Guess I'd better make an easier one tonight.
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