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Johnny J. wrote: one of my other collegues insists on having a notification signal (not just a signal, but the most irritating signal one can imagine!) on his phone every time he receives a text message (which he does quite a lot).
I have on multiple occasions asked him to turn it off and said that I find it really irritating, but he doesn't seem to care. I guess it's VERY important to read the text messages the very second they arrive (could be that he has a dominating GF, but I don't know her, so I can't tell for sure  )
Every time the alert sounds say in a loud voice, [colleague's name] your GF is calling you. 
He will probably get annoyed and if he says something tell him to put the phone on vibrate if he doesn't want everyone to know he is henpecked. 
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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I don't think it'll work, as mentioned, I have already asked him on several occasions to turn it off, but I think it's pissing him off that I point it out and leave it on on purpose... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Johnny J. wrote: I don't think it'll work, as mentioned, I have already asked him on several occasions to turn it off, but I think it's pissing him off that I point it out and leave it on on purpose...
That is why you should escalate this from a private request to a public shaming.
Just say it loud so everyone can hear. After a while he may realize that the whole office is laughing at him and turn the phone to vibrate.
Then again he may not but at least you get to take the piss on him.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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I solved that in our office by texting the person concerned - one word per message.
turn
your
f***ing
beeping
off
it worked.
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kArViD0tnEt wrote: if your colleague accidentally scratched his ring on his table
 I had visions of you know, like a dog with worms scratching its ring on the ground
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I won't visualize it.
No.
No..
No...
No Karen!
DaveAuld wrote: I had visions
so, you're a prophet?
Don't mind those people who say you're not HOT. At least you know you're COOL.
I'm not afraid of falling, I'm afraid of the sudden stop at the end of the fall! - Richard Andrew x64
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kArViD0tnEt wrote: so, you're a prophet?
Been called a lot worse 
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that was scary..
Don't mind those people who say you're not HOT. At least you know you're COOL.
I'm not afraid of falling, I'm afraid of the sudden stop at the end of the fall! - Richard Andrew x64
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Just start singing in a loud manner and different accent.
If he then moans say sure no problem, but can you also stop eating like a cow in field
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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Good idea - my singing voice is sure to annoy him!  
[EDIT] Hey, maybe I should sing your song[^], that would probably be irritating enough for him... [/EDIT]
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
modified 25-Apr-14 2:28am.
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I usualy listen to music while working, so I don't even hear if someone makes annoying noises.
But I must constantly look out if the boss comes into the room and starts speaking to me 
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A panic button to hide the pr0n surfing works for me...
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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8 people in an open plan office, 1 git munching on breakfast, you're a pussy!
I have 300 on this floor, all on benches, most of them are Asian (locals and Indian) and some their food is extraordinarily aromatic, try sticky rice that smells of three week dead dog.
I have a bunch of them on a near bench who have a habit of discussing something in high pitched mandarin that not only frustrates me but the sound just grates the nerves, something like a nail on a chalk board.
1 silly prick annoying me I could live with or tell him to sod of to the kitchen, try working with a horde of the bastards.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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Mycroft Holmes wrote: their food is extraordinarily aromatic, try sticky rice that smells of three week dead dog.
Sounds like what was served up last night.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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While some of the food served up in this part of the world can be delicious some is is an insult to a digestive system.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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Didn't know that you lived in the UK?
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Nah he's never had cooking from my mother in law... That is an experience you will never forget.
She once cooked a curry with nan bread that was cooked for 30 minutes in the oven. I dropped mine on the plate that evening while sneezing and it cracked the plate 
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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The first time my mother met her future mother in law she was walking down the path with my dad when the door to the house flew open, my grandmother came flying out with a tray of Yorkshire puddings that went flying down the garden with accompanying curses.
Both of my grandmothers were crap cooks, and Yorkshire puddings are something that generations of us now cannot make.
Not that I like the things anyway, but Aunt Bessie has been helping us out for years.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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chriselst wrote: Yorkshire puddings are something that generations of us now cannot make.
Thank God for small miracles...
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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A couple of months ago I had a contractor over from Germany for a few days. I inflicted our staff canteen on him each lunchtime (cleverly not eating there myself).
One day he experienced Yorkshire Pudding for the first time.
He made it quite clear it would be the last.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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LOL
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Mycroft Holmes wrote: sticky rice that smells of three week dead dog.
Probably was as well!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-----
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Do they bring in their durian too?
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Good god no, dammed stuff is banned from the building thankfully.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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Have you actually tried it? I think it is lovely. Well the flesh is, the outside stinks worse than Paris's Pissoir.
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