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....washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors.
"I'm done for", the man cries in despair.
"No you are not," comes a booming voice from the heavens.
"Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab the spear from the one who is beside you and
shove it through the heart of the chief."
The man does so, and the remainder of the band stare in disbelief.
"Now, what?" the man asks the heavens.
"Now, you are done for."
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Sounds like my divorce lawyer!
Here today gone to Maui...
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Mike Hankey wrote: Sounds like my divorce a lawyer!
FTFY 
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Can't say all lawyers because my brother is a lawyer, one of the few honest and caring ones I know.
Here today gone to Maui...
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Just goes to show how little you really knows your own family when it comes down to it... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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A beautiful young lady is shipwrecked on a tropical isle and is dragged ashore by a cannibal and his young son.
"We're not going to be hungry tonight" said the cannibal to his son.
"Are we going to eat her, dad?" said the son.
"No lad, we're going to eat your mother!"
=========================================================
I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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Similar
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is"
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother."
Here today gone to Maui...
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I'm pretty sure (read: almost entirely certain) I heard this one from you originally. Seeing it again has reminded me of all the laughs I've received when retelling it. 
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Yeah it probably was me but I'm old and I forget a lot. For instance...???
Here today gone to Maui...
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Sorry, what were we talking about again? 
Nah, seriously though - I've given and received much joy sharing jokes from both you and Espen. Many thanks.
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Your welcome, I think both Espen and I TRY to keep the quality and uniqueness fresh but sometimes we slip.
Here today gone to Maui...
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ok, Yesterday someone asked about statistics packages and programming languages.
In my experience that has been heavily and I mean heavily tied to reporting. Or pushed to create reports.
In my own opinion about things and how things work.
Excel Probably #1 used, Easiest for the end user to get a handle on, Works 80% of the time for what needs to be delivered.
SSRS - My personal favorite, You can do pretty much anything and get a pretty report to hand to people that you can reproduce time and time again with little effort by the programmer, Has not been updated in forever. In serious need of some TLC from MS.
SAS - more statistical than anything, I have watched many companies try to force this to be a reporting tool to produce pretty reports rather than using it as a data number cruncher that the program is designed to be used for. It does work though and once you get the hang of using it, getting information is pretty easy you just proc it.
SPSS - See SAS. LOL
Information Builders(WebFocus) - THE WORST and most horrible package I have ever had to deal with, bad documentation, expensive as all get out, Just the worst reporting package that I have ever had to deal with, I have been very involved with watching two organizations just implode from this package producing horrible data results in a bad time frame. Run away if you ever encounter this package.
So I know there are more packages out there. What other ones should we check out that might be awesomer than SSRS and Excel.
To err is human to really mess up you need a computer
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I've been using Crystal Reports for about 15 years. I'm sure there are better packages out there, but it has been adequate for our needs. Frustrating at times, but adequate.
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
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Look at SSRS on top of SSAS (SQL Server Analysis Services), SQL Server Analysis Services[^]
Common sense is admitting there is cause and effect and that you can exert some control over what you understand.
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For statistics I've never seen anything that can compare to MiniTab, but it's pricey, and has limited reporting capabilities.
Will Rogers never met me.
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I;m sitting with a dilemma. I want to write a Hotel Management System but now do I go with asp.net or wpf? Both are great technologies but each has its own pros and cons? Any advice with which one to go with?
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That will rather depend on the System. I personally wouldn't use WPF but that is just my own irrational bias. Where is your user base - if they are spread around then a web-based solution may be best ... as long as the Hotels are in locations where there is good internet access. Are they going to be sharing data with another hotel in the group - if not then a desktop solution might be more appropriate.
Work out your "business requirements" first then choose the tool that is most appropriate to satisfy them, not the tool that someones says is "best"
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Member 9244203 wrote: each has its own pros and cons
Try to know about that and match it with your requirements. The one that best suits your need is the answer.
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly"- SoMad
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Dilemma would matter to your techno brain.. instead make from what u know as an Expertise 
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Member 9244203 wrote: each has its own pros and cons
The most important of which is that ASP.NET is for web based applications, and WPF for desktop. So that should make it easy to decide.
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Member 9244203 wrote: I want to write a Hotel Management System
I have trouble believing that. Maybe you have to write one. But you want to? That's like saying "yes I'd like step on a lego please".
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Oooo! That's surprisingly painful... not as bad as a UK mains plug: http://www.ashdistribution.co.uk/images/products/large/140-4964_02.jpg[^] but a nasty surprise in the dark none the less!
Worse thing I stepped on? Part of a wasp. We used to have a cat that liked catching them, but she would discard the sting and it's venom sac because they tasted nasty. Finding one by getting stung by the carpet was an experience I do not wish to repeat...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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