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What about "you're only so smart that you need to concern yourself with my performance, yet you earn twice my salary so I guess you're doing something right after all!" 
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Yes! That will put him in his place! 
How do we preserve the wisdom men will need,
when their violent passions are spent?
- The Lost Horizon
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If your employer is environmentally conscious you probably shouldn't compare your performance to JSOP's car.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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What about his guns? 
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Ask them:
- So, when do I get to review YOUR performance?
- By what objective criteria do you review performance?
- If my performance did not exceed your expectations, who's fault is that REALLY?
- If my performance exceeded your expectations, who else contributed to that success?
4 is always and interesting question because it will reveal whether your boss is tuned in to how well (or not) the team is functioning.
Then again, you may elect not to ask any of those questions. 
Marc
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I already joked about 1
3 can be very true, but is also very tricky... Let's put it this way, my code didn't break because someone else did a really good job writing theirs. And of course my code breaking is my responsibility, but it would be a lot easier to take that responsibility if I wasn't having spaghetti every day. Well, theoretically
My boss (he doesn't like that word) is actually pretty much in tune with the team, he's actually just part of the team. He helps with issues, discusses on a developer's level, and is open for idea's. I'm pretty lucky to have him as a manager
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Sander Rossel wrote: My boss (he doesn't like that word)
Well, he wins points from me just for that! Nice!
Marc
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Marc Clifton wrote: So, when do I get to review YOUR performance?
If I wanted to stir the pot, I can submit feedback on anyone at my employer up to and including the CEO.
OTOH, even if I gave the big boss a good review I'm not sure that the attention I'd get by doing so would be beneficial.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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The performance review is the management equivalent of the security charade that is airport security. Basically you have to do the little performance and neither party has any belief in its efficacy or indeed purpose.
Your manager will get one of these and his manager and so on - and at some point the company will feel it "really knows its people".
Then the edicts on grading performance by a bell curve or "you can't give person x an exceeds rating as they only got promoted last year and its person y's turn" will come along and completely undo any good the review process was originally designed to achieve,
In short, I give performance reviews a "failed to meet expectations" grade this year.
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You seem pretty pessimistic 
Our company is basically a general manager -> team leads (4) -> team members (of which I am one).
So tomorrow I'm sitting down with my team lead and the general manager.
I know the general manager a little bit, sometimes I talk to him at the coffee machine or some such.
My team lead is a really good guy, so I'm pretty positive 
It's my first performance review with this company though.
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You say so many good things about your team/management. Wondering why you posted this? and what was your expectation from the members !!
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I may have a good manager some rules of communication still apply.
If I can make myself look better by (not) saying certain things I'd be happy to know.
It's sad to see so many people have bad managers.
Of course it could be expected. I have this theory that 99% of the people are a bunch of bunglers (no offence) so that also means 99% of the managers.
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You could always use this[^] to help with your performance.
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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I'd need a higher desk 
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You can always point out your Code Project reputation score!
The difficult we do right away...
...the impossible takes slightly longer.
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and how you spent xx hours on CP accruing that score.
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
"I don't drink any more... then again, I don't drink any less." - Mike Mullikins uncle
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During work hours
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For research purposes only of course.
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
"I don't drink any more... then again, I don't drink any less." - Mike Mullikins uncle
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What a performance review is?
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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4 simple words:
SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!
There are two types of people in this world: those that pronounce GIF with a soft G, and those who do not deserve to speak words, ever.
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And then that one simple counter-question, "why?" 
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Sander Rossel wrote: any tips on what (not) to say?
Don't be Peter[^].
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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When they hired me last year they asked me the same question, I answered "ideally, in your chair"
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So you should ask him if he called you because he finally cleared his chair for you
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. — Lyall Watson
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