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To both of you 
He would not recertify your company ! 
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Last I checked, coffee quality wasn't one of the ISO 9000 criteria - though it wouldn't surprise me 
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. — Lyall Watson
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I assumed following equation:
Coffee + ISOGuy = Recertification
Coffee =^ good
=> good + ISOGuy = good ISO GUy => Recertification > 0 && Recertification < 1
Now two cases:
bad mood <= ISO Guy <= good mood
Coffee = bad => ISO Guy ^= bad mood => Recertifaction = -1
Coffee = good => ISO Guy ^= good mood => Recertification = 1
See what i mean?
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MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
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You're missing one input parameter there. Let me put it this way:
Your ISO 9000 compliance sucks: You better have good coffee
Your ISO 9000 compliance is alright: You can serve him a gnat's piss
Your fixation on the coffee parameter makes me suspicious about your ISO 9000 compliance 
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. — Lyall Watson
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Sascha Lefèvre wrote: Your ISO 9000 compliance sucks: You better have good coffee
Your ISO 9000 compliance is alright: You can serve him a gnat's piss better have good coffee
FTFY
To be ISO compliant you have to fill a lot - really lot - of papers during work. When they told us that we have to work with ISO I told they have two options: me or the paperwork. I have far to much work (including paperwork) to add more, useless, to it...So I wrote a small application that fakes all the paperwork you ever need for ISO
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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I see... then how about this iteration:
Your ISO 9000 compliance is alright: You can serve him a gnat's piss and keep the good coffee for yourself
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. — Lyall Watson
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Things are changing...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Quote: highly skilled liars
That's the reason my boss don't want me around - he afraid I will tell my opinion about the ISO person 
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Why do I get the feeling he omitted the 'Atleast ...' 
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Wrong! There was no 'atleast' - he didn't got out of the coffee corner...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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That's actually sad to hear, we're ISO certified as well and every time we renew our certification people are really getting nervy. The guy is pretty good at finding faults.
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That's exactly pissed me off - so we pay for you to keep us inside boundaries (as for whatever reason we are unable to do so by ourself (and customers do not believe us anyway)), and you come around to drink coffee!!!
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: he had only one comment: 'coffee is good here'...
Did you see him carrying a rather heavy briefcase on his way out?
At least it's not as obvious a scam as "The Guild of Master Craftsmen"
How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
modified 31-Aug-21 21:01pm.
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Just out of interest, how many of you dear friends are using some sort of agile process (scrum etc.) in your working lives?
What method(s) are you using?
What tools are you using?
Like it/ Love it / Hate it
Tried it/ditched it?
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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I use Agile in the following ways:
1. on waking whenever I beat the crap out of myself mercilessly for every single stupid thing I've done until I no longer remember any stupid things I have done.
2. if I find myself starting to feel like I've accomplished something, I call a Scrum and reduce myself to tears as my other personalities tear my little ounce of pride to bits.
3. Friends ? dear Friends ? who's got time for those when there's code to write ?
4. the tools I use are memories, hallucinations, dreams, fantasies, reveries, and any other mental state I can get the lasso of awareness around and bull-dog.
5. I do use one "physical" device: a mirror painted black.
cheers, Bill
«I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center» Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
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I use the make-it-done-and-efficiently method for most of my development...
I do not know what names can you call it - I actually called an IT manager of or customer a*hole for asking me if I'm using SCRUM (because it is the only way things can be done!), telling him it is not his f* business how I make things happen...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: telling him it is not his f* business how I make things happen...
I'd have thought it was exactly the IT Manager's business ...
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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how many of you dear friends are using some sort of agile process (scrum etc.) in your working lives?: about 10 i can confirm
What method(s) are you using?: Scrum, kanban and Lean because of company standards
What tools are you using?: old fashioned kanban board
Like it/ Love it / Hate it: i like it, way better than the waterfall stuff.
Tried it/ditched it?: see the above.
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
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As i am a lone Ranger on my Project i scrum a lot and work very agile.
I talk to myself in a lot of situations to discuss changes with me, sometimes we come to a good idea and transport it directly to developementteam me.
I iterate through Projectstates after several tasks are done. In these Iterations i have meetings with myself to check if we are on the plan or if there are any showstoppers on the tasks.
New concepts and stuff are developed meanwhile be me to assure the functionality is sufficient for the users.
Sometimes i am lucky and get one or two of the guys that need to work with that system, then i can ask if it's okay like its done, they agree to everything 
if(this.signature != "")
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MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
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Code reviews. You need some code reviews and twomof you should start doing pair programming.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Oh dear you are right, i need codereviews!
But since me and my other half are sticking to CLEAN CODE most of the code should be a ok.
Yeah maybe i train both hands on fully programming and rock of on two pc's to meet capacity needs 
if(this.signature != "")
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MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
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else
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MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
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I have only been on one team in, say, eight years, where we didn't use basic, non-religious, scrum. OK, one other team we used Kanban, but I think that's close enough to scrum. For the non-religious, that is. It's always been good, and at least felt better than more formal processes; I don't know whether business felt as good as the developers though.
No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly. - Oscar Wilde
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We use anti-agile, whatever that is called, I guess all of these look like valid descriptors for how work gets done;
Antonyms for agile
apathetic
depressed
dispirited
down
dull
ignorant
inactive
lazy
lethargic
lifeless
rigid
slow
sluggish
stiff
stupid
brittle
clumsy
Maxxx wrote: What tools are you using?
I think they are called Project Managers.
It is a shite way of working.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Agile is good and I like it. Most people have a hard time with it though, for whatever reason, and thus, don't really implement the methodology well. Eventually, they are no longer practicing Agile anymore, and they are back to their old habits.
I have used Rally for managing our user stories and defects.
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