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One of my brothers is sick, real sick. He has a tumour in his brain and the constant treatment has left him a shadow of his former self. His last Chemo session was cancelled as his white blood cell level was around 60% of what is needed to take the treatment. Currently he is having 2-3 outpatient every single week.
His wife of 22 years has complained to our Mum that "The constant hospital have left her drained." and asked for help ferrying him to and fro.
I elephant you not. She doesn't want to keep taking her husband to hospital, because it tires her out, so she's asked Mum to step in. This is the same mother who has had a tit lopped off and enough tissue removed to fill at least one leg in treating her own cancer. The same woman my dearest sister-in-law calls a useless baggage. Did I mention my Dad also has regular check-ups for his failing eyes and you guess who bloody well has to take him to clinic.
So my 'useless old baggage' [I will call her this in an affectionate manner] of a mother has, at the age of 77 with failing health of her own, had to step into the breach.
I really don't know if I should laugh or cry.
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This isn't relaxing at all.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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Are you using sarcasm on me here ?
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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Don't let it annoy you. She clearly must be worn out to even table the suggestion that your mother should step in.
It sounds very stressful for all of you and I really hope the best for you all.
Thankfully you've got this place to vent your frustrations. We're all ears. Are there any charities in your area that may be able to help?
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No, she really is a selfish bee-atch. Has been ever since they've been together and the relationship between the family and her have always been frosty. One of her highlights was telling my parents they were wrong to let my other brother move home after he separated from his wife as it was his fault [the ex had an affair] and the ex needed the support not him.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: as it was his fault
She might honestly believe that. Stupidity and ignorance are often confused with malice.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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This is not easy to judge*. The first time you have reported about your bro's cancer was months ago, and this is for sure a terrible experience for his wife. I can understand she needs a break.
[EDIT] *Well, this[^] is exactly why it is not easy. Context makes it all.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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It's coming on for a year now and in all honestly he probably won't make another birthday [in April]. She is the one who has to be there.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: n all honestly he probably won't make another birthday
Sorry to hear that man.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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My BIL&SIL had a preterm baby several years ago, who had to stay about 6 months in the hospital after his birth. I agree, this is not the same context at all, even if there were about three months uncertainty about whether if the baby could survive or not, but this meant a good lot of hospital hours each day for both of them alternately, to the point that they had to have a break at some point, no matter how much it was needed for them to be there.
But again, not easy to comment from this side of the screen.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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It doesn't address this specific situation, but I'd suggest someone contact McMillan Trust - they can arrange volunteers to help with driving to hospital and loads of similar things through their support network. (They were my favourite charity when I lived in the UK.)
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I do not know if there is anything can help him (sounds too bad), but to curse her aloud and badly probably will help you...
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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I live in Bangalore, India; there's something called Nightingale Services[^]. I find an equivalent service[^] in the UK. Not exactly the type of service your brother requires, but they may have contacts / references who may provide the kind of service needed. (I am not sure whether Kent is nearby where your brother lives).
modified 27-Aug-14 12:58pm.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: His wife of 22 years has complained to our Mum that "The constant hospital have left her drained." and asked for help ferrying him to and fro.
What I'm about to say is my own stupid opinion and will most likely offend some here, but...
If a "wife" is tired of helping her husband, especially if he is this sick, and is tapping out, so to speak, then I have to question her love and loyalty to her husband, as a whole.
BTW, Nagy, if this offends you, I will remove it. Just wanted to share my strong opinion on this topic you posted. I have seen similar scenarios in the past, and this is motive for my opinion.
Stay strong.
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Offend? Have a 
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Sorry to hear about the whole situation. I am sure it must be difficult for everyone.
It's difficult for me to say whether you should laugh or cry. But what I will say is give her the benefit of the doubt. She may be thinking of the worse case scenarios so often that it is mentally draining her.
As others have stated it is good to at least speak this out to fellow cp'ers (CPians?) who have a sympathetic ear to listen.
You and your family are in my prayers.
"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul."
-Douglas MacArthur
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Sorry to hear that Nagy.
It's easy to understand your frustration / anger with that. But it is difficult to say anything about the situation. So I won't.
Best wishes for you and your family.![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Our thoughts to you and your brother my friend.
Your SIL wouldn't be the first in-law that prompts visions of being strangled with their own entrails.
I hope that you can take refuge in some of that wine you posted on yesterday and that your world rights itself soon.
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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Agreed, this is not relaxing.
And no, it is not hard to judge...
After reading some of your posts here...
I feel sorry for your family and you.
What a...
Why have you posted this on the lounge? That was clearly soapbox material... now we can't tell you what we think.
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Just let it go, some people just doesn't have it, and aren't worth the cursing.
Curse the cancer instead, and keep affectionate to your Mother. She's the one needing it most.
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Imagine, if you will, that Mrs. Wife or a Likkley was 'at deaths door' and you were taking them to hospital two or three times a week. On top of the absolute nightmare that is the emotional angst of something like this, you have to face this. Just not nice, at all.
So if you reach out and ask for help you get bitch-slapped by the BIL?\
Sure, your dear old Ma probably isn't the best person to help - but is there anyone else she has to call upon to help?
You're not working right now, are you? Could you you lend a hand?
Nagy Vilmos wrote: I really don't know if I should laugh or cry.
You should cry. It's a terrible situation for your Bruv & SIL to be in. And your Mum.
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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I don't need to imagine what it would be like. My father in law lived with us and he died from fecking cancer three years ago. I've been there, got the T, etc, etc, etc. It doesn't matter sh!t who you are, how you feel, what you want - the patient comes first every friggin time.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: My father in law lived with us and he died from fecking cancer three years ago. I've been there, got the T
And you didn't get any help? I not, then you deserve a sainthood. When Mrs. Max was at death's door (she did, I have to say, recover eventually) I was completely shagged sideways for a while - and had nowhere to turn for help (believe me, I tried!) If her parents - or frankly anyone - had been available to help take some of the strain, I'd have leaped at the chance.
Alas, all the rellos are either dead or in another country - so I had no choice.
Nagy Vilmos wrote: It doesn't matter sh!t who you are, how you feel, what you want - the patient comes first every friggin time.
well, not nitpicking or anything, but taking care of yourself first is a bit of a mantra around carers. There's no point in you having a breakdown when you're trying to look after someone who just doesn't have a choice - so you need to stay well and strong. It takes a strong person to ask for help. Now, maybe your SIL is being a selfish cow and wants to go down the pub for the day while your Mama takes her son to the quack's - or maybe she's crying to herself every night while hubby sleeps, is at the end of her tether, and doesn't know where to turn to - I don't know - but having a bloke's Mum take him to hospital if his Wife is unavailable is maybe not too bad a thing?
I mean, maybe your bruv might have suggested Wifey might get Mumsy to accompany him?
Or, maybe, SIL is just a completely selfish biatch, who has been waiting 22 years for a moment to take off on the town while Hubby is being prodded by the quacks.
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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_Maxxx_ wrote: I mean, maybe your bruv might have suggested Wifey might get Mumsy to accompany him?
Or, maybe, SIL is just a completely selfish biatch, who has been waiting 22 years for a moment to take off on the town while Hubby is being prodded by the quacks.
More the later then the former.
AS for the help we got, until the end - and I mean the last two months - we were pretty much on our own. Mrs Wife and I had to co-ordinate over his treatment, as he spoke very little English so someone had to normally go with him. At the end we had a lot of help from Trinity Hospice and for the last two weeks we had a nurse in 24/7.
However it was Mrs Wife and I who sat with him and held his hands as he took his last faltered breaths.
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