|
I saw a beautiful young farmer's daughter walking down the road with a bull.
This buxom wench looked so nice I asked her if she would like to come back to my place for 'a good time'.
She said she had to take the bull to impregnate the cows.
"Can't the farmer do that?" I asked.
"Oh No", she said, "It has to be the bull".
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
|
|
|
|
|
Movie Quote Of The Day
Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know, you know that when you're in the water, chief? You tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. Well, we didn't know. 'Cause our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent, huh. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The sharks come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like 'ol squares in battle like uh, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the shark goes to the nearest man and then he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces. Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, Bosun's Mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
Which movie?
|
|
|
|
|
The Shark Tales!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Surely that well known monologue was delivered by John Kassir in "Soccer Dog: European Cup"...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mission of the Shark, starring Stacey Keach?
|
|
|
|
|
Sharkando
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
|
|
|
|
|
Easy one! "Finding Nemo".
|
|
|
|
|
tl;dr
Is it Drop Dead Fred?
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sleeper.
At least reading this put me to sleep.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A couple were Christmas shopping.
The shopping center was packed and as the wife walked around she was surprised to discover that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on the cell phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, " Do you remember the jewellers we went into about 5 years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
|
|
|
|
|
As for me, I sure do remember a Leslie when I see one.
Cheers!
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability!"
Ron White, Comedian
|
|
|
|
|
Leslie Nielsen was the husband, of course!
|
|
|
|
|
"I'm in the Pub next to that shop."
No wonder my search for "I'm in the pub next door." didn't find it, but I knew it was there somewhere.
I bow to your superior Leslie-Fu.
You'll never get very far if all you do is follow instructions.
|
|
|
|
|
Uh, what were we talking about?
|
|
|
|
|
Bacon, probably.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
|
|
|
|
|
85 grams of bacon contains 130% of your recommended daily allowance of fat!
|
|
|
|
|
That is what makes it good!
|
|
|
|
|
HomerTheGreat wrote: 85 grams of bacon contains 130% of your recommended daily allowance of fat!
Who only eats 85 grams of bacon?
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
|
|
|
|
|
I have no idea what a gram of bacon looks like, let alone 85 of them.
I measure it by the rasher.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
|
|
|
|
|
Snowdon said the NSA can watch us through our web cams, and in fact I have seen a spate of people putting tape over them.
Now, just how is this going to be implemented?
1) remote control through the network: Requires a receiver in the stack that can intercept certain packages and manipulate the web cam driver.
2) Data routing back through the network: The Cam driver data needs to be packaged as a network packet and sent over the network.
Now, I happen to know a lot about the kernel, and I can tell you there is absoloutely no built in way for this to happen, so unless the NSA have secretly installed a filter driver over these devices it isn't possible.
And of course as you should all be using firewalls, lock down, UAC and all that, this is extremely hard to do these days.
So its all a load of crap of you ask me and Snowdon is an attention seeking bullshitter.
"The whole idea that carbon dioxide is the main cause of the recent global warming is based on a guess that was proved false by empirical evidence during the 1990s." climate-models-go-cold
|
|
|
|
|
Munchies_Matt wrote: Snowdon is an attention seeking bullshitter
While this is almost certainly true, we all have a bit of that in us, I'd suggest there are kernels of truth in his revelations.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
|
|
|
|
|
I never met anyone 100% wrong yet, so yes, he will say something that is true. But this isn't.
"The whole idea that carbon dioxide is the main cause of the recent global warming is based on a guess that was proved false by empirical evidence during the 1990s." climate-models-go-cold
|
|
|
|
|