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On a warm summer night, a young lady entered the butcher shop with startling news for the butcher: The baby in her arms was his.
Nonplussed, the butcher didn't know what to do, and eventually offered the only thing he thought he could - he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
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In an American court she could have gained ownership of the Butcher Shop, the Bakery, the Dairy, and the Grocery store. We have 'dick' detectors in our court houses - if you've got one, you'll lose.
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+5 for actually posting a joke I hadn't read more times than I've snarked at VB6.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Why do you keep re-reading the same jokes?
It is a comprehension thing?
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Veni, vidi, vici.
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If you can explain to me how to identify a joke I've read before without starting to read it... 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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You're killing me here, Dan, killing me.
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Dan Neely wrote: If you can explain to me how to identify a joke I've read before without starting to read it...
If you can explain to me how to identify a joke I've read before without starting to read it...
How long did it take?
Jeremy Falcon
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Dan Neely wrote: If you can explain to me how to identify a joke I've read before without starting to read it
well, don't read anything in the SoapBox with a joke icon will significantly reduce the chances!
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_Maxxx_ wrote: well, don't read anything in the SoapBox with a joke icon will significantly reduce the chances!
FTFY 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Dan Neely wrote: If you can explain to me how to identify a joke I've read before without starting to read it...
That's easy.
If it's posted in the CP Lounge...
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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How far into your ear does a pimple have to be for re-classification as a brain tumor?
This thing hurts!
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Depends - is it a European pimple or an African non-migratory pimple?
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Keith Barrow wrote: Depends - is it a European pimple or an African non-migratory pimple?
In the days before the optical/laser mice, there was a difference between American and European mouse balls. The following is dated 1991 (and if it isn't true, it certainly is a great lie):
This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us find it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
To re-order, specify one of the following:
P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
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Given the fact I'm not a native english speaker... I've read pineapple, therefore you can imagine my surprise... 
Now the best part of your post is that I've learnt a new word... 
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Joan Murt wrote: Now the best part of your post is that I've learnt a new word.
learned.
Two new words now. 
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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They taught me to use learnt as it is more "british" (and in our schools they teach british English):
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/learnt-vs-learned[^]
Anyway I've reached a point in which when I write or speak I do it naturally and learning to improve/change ways is more difficult than before... so probably I'll continue using learnt... but yes, nice to know this 
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Joan Murt wrote: it is more "british"
Who in the world wants to be more British? There's a reason we left that place and never looked back.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Uh oh - trolling alert...
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RyanDev wrote: and never looked back
Except to fart in their general direction.
You'll never get very far if all you do is follow instructions.
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There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Ensure you point your asses in the right direction... a small error can be terrible for me... 
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