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I want to open two savings accounts to run parallel to the Business Current Accounts.
Lloyds - We will have to send out a form get you to fill it in and send it back, then we review it and if ok it will be opened in about 10 days.
Barclays - Ok Sir, and what would you like the account called? Ok that's fine. We will text you today with the log in details and it should be ready to go in 24 to 48 hours.
Hmmm, Lloyds seem to have some strange idea about Customer Service and Convenience.
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Lloyds do their AML process in a much less automated way in order to avoid incurring the wrath of the FSA. Barclays have their own parking space outside the FSA offices 
I'd go with savings bonds instead
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It is not for parking money for savings, it is only holding accounts for the CT and VAT due.
It means that what is in the current account is mine!
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Precisely - I always used to put things like corporation tax VAT into savings bonds[^]... exchange the trivially small and painful to account for interest payments for a trivially small chance to become a millionaire (tax free).
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Maybe Lloyds is a bit more suspicous. You're an accountant after all 
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I know him and I don't trust him. 
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I have noticed several discrepancies in this years expenses claim.
Shall I gloss over them for you or would you like to pay the tax?
email me at mybestmateisagreataccountantwhoineverannoyorletrunoutofgin@bookcookersaccountants.com
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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It's a matter of age I think...
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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Dalek Dave wrote: should be ready to go in 24 to 48 hours
Even that is longer than it should be. They should be able to open an account for you while you wait.
What is this talk of release? I do not release software. My software escapes leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
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Particularly with business accounts, it's a little harder, because they have to follow the rules to try and prevent money laundering.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Lloyds are terrible. When the missus and I wanted to open a joint account, I checked everything I needed to bring with one of the staff and hied myself in to the toon, all documents in hand. When I got there everything was good, and about to be signed off when the manager walked in and discovered our tenancy contract wasn't on company-headed paper. I rented for about 10 years, with both private and company landlords, and have never seen a contract like this. Stupid thing was, I'd been with them for years, they only needed the contract because missus. I went through them like a dose of salts as I'd taken the day off to do it. They claimed it was an FSA requirement (the usual banking standby), but curiously my wife's bank got us set up immediately and hassle free. 10/10 would not recommend Lloyds.
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Yep. When I converted my Abbey / Santander current account to joint, we walked in, pretty lady asks how she can help, explain, Herself shows her credit card with her name on, tappity tap...anything else I can help you with today?
Minutes, total.
But...I was with Abbey, because I had a fight with Mudland - they didn't feel 48 hours notice was enough time for them to release a couple of thousand of my money to me in cash - and I tried Lloyds as they were the next bank down the road. Oh, no, I have to see an advisor - next Thursday and bring my documents, a blood test, sample of fathers DNA, and the blood of a virgin...
Walked into Abbey, and walked out with an account and a promise that new cheque book and card would be there by the end of the week.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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OriginalGriff wrote: the blood of a virgin
Can't be getting much business in Wales then
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The Lambs are being born right now.
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Yea, but you need to get to them before the shepherds
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Even less in Luton...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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When I use a Co-op cash machine I am always asked to 'consider the environment' before I'm asked if I want to print a receipt.
When I use a Barclays Machine I am encouraged to print a receipt for my chance to win Premier League Tickets on the back.
It's always amused me that the good intentions of one is being nullified by the other.
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It's just that you're a lousy customer, so I told my staff to make it hard for ya! 
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Democratic Union passing trifle,(9)
Not as hard as it should be.
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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You are not just supposed to through out a random set of letters hoping it is the right answer, you are also supposed to show the solution.
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Shoot and hope for the best 
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The US Marine Corps slogan!
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Dalek Dave wrote: through
Oops.
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