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MATH WON'T GET HIM HOME! ONLY MONEY!
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And a very big home indeed. Probably a castle in his country. He may need it when his fellow countrymen come after him and his money.
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I don't care who you are that's funny!
New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta tomorrow (noun): a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.
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Brilliant! 
You have just been Sharapova'd.
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You should call and tell them this:
Quote: Hi, this is Steven Spielberg. I am inspired by this and would like to make a movie so the whole World knows about this forgotten hero. I am ready to pay 50M USD for the story. However, you need to first send me 1M USD as security. This is to ensure you will not sell the rights to anyone else.
"You'd have to be a floating database guru clad in a white toga and ghandi level of sereneness to fix this goddamn clusterfuck.", BruceN[ ^]
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I think you just won the internet today. 
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Bring the boy back home!
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I'd rather pay to lose them ALL in space... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Can you please provide your bank details so I can support you? Of course my support would cost you in advance, but I'll repay 110%.
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Sure, no problem. But it's sensitive information, so if you don't mind, I'll have my special courier[^] deliver it to you. Now, what was your address again???? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Here you go: 9 Northumberland Ave, London WC2N 5BX
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Marco Bertschi wrote: Hey, at least it seems like a new idea 😂
No it isn't; it's the same concept as the Spanish Prisoner[^] con from the 16th century.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. 
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Now I've got Rush in my head. Thanks!!
(da da da dump da da da dump dump da da da dah da da da dah)
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So I'm not the only one in that circumstance!
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Someone should update that Wikipedia page with this one though. Lost Nigerian astronaut is definitely a new twist to an old con.
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Well, I didn't know that (about the Spanish Prisoner con). Thanks for the link! 
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Spanish Prisoner? You might be on to a new one!
Subject: Nigerian Time Traveler needs Assistance for Rescue
REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the researcher whose brother I sent back to the 16th century where he is being held prisoner. How do I know. He sent me a letter from back in that day to my house via Western Union, same as in Back To The Future III. So far, I know he is doing well but he may be killed for claiming that the world is round and many other unheard of ideas. Also, his Spanish is coming along quite well. I need the money to further my research and to send a rescue team.
YadaYada....
You get the idea.
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If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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I read through the first paragraph of the Spanish Prisoner: "a confidence trick originating in the late 16th century. In its original form, the confidence trickster tells his victim (the mark) that he is (or is in correspondence with) a wealthy person of high estate who has been imprisoned in Spain under a false identity. Some versions had the imprisoned person being an unknown or remote relative of the mark. Supposedly the prisoner cannot reveal his identity without serious repercussions, and is relying on a friend (the confidence trickster) to raise money to secure his release. A classical Pigeon Drop game archetype, the confidence trickster offers to let the mark put up some of the funds, with a promise of a greater pecuniary reward upon release of the prisoner plus a non-pecuniary incentive, gaining the hand of a beautiful woman represented to be the prisoner's daughter. After the mark has turned over the funds, he is informed further difficulties have arisen, and more money is needed. With such explanations, the trickster continues to press for more money until the victim is cleaned out, or declines to put up more funds."
This sounds like some engineering projects that I have witnessed and been on. The promise is that the company will make a bundle of money from the project, but it is late. So the engineering managers go to the company CEO and ask for more money and time to get it done. (We're 95% done.) A month later, it is 99% done. Another month, unforeseen difficulties and it will drag on another two months. The company still has a promise of making a profit, not as large as before. So, more money is poured into that project pit. Finally, the company has wasted too much money and closes down, with not product to show for its effort. Such-as were the times of the old days. Entrepreneurs a vision and illusions of grandeur being conned by engineers who will try to make it happen.
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I never knew travelling to space is the cheapest way of making savings. 
I would stay 1000 years there. Dr Bakare could you help with some calculations?
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Its obvious this is not a nigerian.
I suspect that,like most of the scams labelled nigerian,this is another scam from U.S
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This needs to be a Bring Him Home meme 
I need an app that will automatically deliver a new BBBBBBBBaBB (beautiful blonde bimbo brandishing bountiful bobbing bare breasts and bodacious butt) every day.
John Simmons / outlaw programmer
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There's got to be a bar room song in there somewhere. We can sing while chugging our beers.
All together now 1, 2, 3...
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I second that - excellent talk and hilarious to boot!
Sincerely,
-Mark
mamiller@rhsnet.org
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