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ChrisElston wrote: ...tires...
I read all of that and all I got was you can't spell tyres correctly.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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One of my friends was in his car when a truck going about 100 MPH in a school zone rammed into the side of the car. There was then no car. My friend was rushed to the hospital and treated (he survived). The driver of the truck eventually crashed, the truck exploded, and the driver was flung about 500 yards away and got knocked out. He was at 0.15 BAC, and the fact he was driving a stolen vehicle with a terminated license AND he almost killed someone, AND he had killed three other people with the truck, AND about a thousand other offenses (all of them very major things) got him 175 years in prison.
There was a lot of luck in that for people to survive.
(Looked for a news story that I had seen, can't find it now)
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor
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I hope everything works out for you and your mum, usually the next day is when you really start to feel it.
Good luck!
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oof!
When we got re-ended the whole back of the car had to be replaced - there may be no visible damage but the rear behind the axle is one great big crumple zone.
speramus in juniperus
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That's what worries me, when you have an older car it soon becomes cheaper for the insurance to write it off than fix it.
Plus its been raining all night and you can fit your hand in either side of the boot without opening it.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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I was talking to a friend yesterday who was telling me about his daughter's car being written off the other day, in an exact same scenario. Weird coincidence.
Veni, vidi, abiit domum
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Why do I find this just awesome!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvr9AMWEU-c[^]
Ah, the sound of the internet....(or BBS!)
Edit: it was more the visualing of the sound of the dial-up I'm referring to, never crossed my mind of what it might 'look like'.
modified 11-Nov-13 1:28am.
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I know that sound well enough to be able to decipher it; "This is ET I would like to make a collect call home...Dark overlord there is no intelligent life down here as we thought, I want to come home.".
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I've always liked the sound of dial up for some reason 
I'm a radio enthusiast, so I hear lot's of machine signals over the air quite a lot, although few sound quite like dial up.
.-.
|o,o|
,| _\=/_ .-""-.
||/_/_\_\ /[] _ _\
|_/|(_)|\\ _|_o_LII|_
\._. |\_/|"` |_| ==== |_|
|_|_| ||" || ||
|-|-| ||LI o ||
|_|_| ||'----'||
/_/ \_\ /__| |__\
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Nothing like the reassuring sound of a modem connecting. Lots of happy BBS memories. 
/ravi
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Bloody hell, you like that sound, it was always the precursor to a period of frustration and irritation for me, I loathe it! Compuserve, thank bog it eventually closed its connection!
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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The sounds is a reminder of how things use to be. It was more seeing the trace of it. Never crossed my mind of visualing the noise.
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Ah, modems. The best answering machine for a telemarketing call. 
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I suppose a 32-year programming career will do that to your resume. Even after I reduced each job to a single line ("I worked there and did programming stuff."), it was STILL two pages long. I finally got it down to three pages (not including the "Skills" pages).
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Three pages is good. Mine goes to eight pages as well but I push a clear summary of skills (ordered by what I am trying to "sell" to the recruiter, key ones in bold) to the first page and then bullet-point each job after that (also with the key points in bold). That way the recruiter can just read the summary and if anything is interested skim through the first few jobs (in reverse chronological order of course) to see if more info is forthcoming.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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Just consolidate. Summarise a bunch of jobs into a paragraph, in blocks of time. At the end reference an addendum with a full list.
If you have presented your summary objectives, key attributes and recent activity (i.e. Page 1) well, then no one will give 2 hoots really about anything that follows.
If you haven't presented page 1 well, no one will care about the rest anyway, because it will be in the bin before you know it.
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Quote: Summarise a bunch of jobs into a paragraph, in blocks of time
Yeah, I did that when I was contracting. Instead of putting are the individual places down I put down the consulting agency name and a block of time. That saved a couple of pages.
I had one case where I flew through the telephone interviews and the initial face to face with flying colours and the IT manager was starting to talk about what I might be doing in more detail when I started but then we had the "final say" from the big non-IT boss who insisted on "vetting" all final candidates. He came into the room, glanced at a copy of my CV with it's long list of impressive achievements and wide experience and said "You seem to be constantly changing jobs, that is a red flag for me, we need someone who will stick with us. Thanks for coming in, goodbye!" and that was it. The IT manager walked me out to my car apologising all the way. I heard from a junior colleague of mine, who actually got a job there, that he quit a couple of months later. That's when I really looked at consolidating my CV.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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My response would have been:
"So, even with the economy being what it is, forcing companies to down-size and consolidate, and larger companies choosing to go off-shore instead of hiring American workers, and despite the fact that I hire on as a full-time employee 95% of the time thinking I've at last found a decent employer that's interested in retention, you're going to assume I'm a job hopper simply because I've held several positions within the market environment I've just described, only to be essentially victimized by corporate bean counters more concerned with how LITTLE they can pay their employees while demanding uncompensated overtime and extreme loyalty yet not returning said services in kind, you're going to hold ME responsible? Well then, f*ck you very much."
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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Extraordinarily well said, even by your usually high standards! 
Will Rogers never met me.
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I approve of this comment!
I just wish I had said it at the time.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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Mine goes back about twenty years (on two pages), but anything beyond ten years ago is no longer relevant to the current job market.
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I have been using the format from this article for many years and manage to keep the resume to three pages: Contracting for Dummies: The CV/Resume[^]
I don't think anyone is really interested in roles more than 5 years old other than to show how long you've been in the business and how long you worked for each employer.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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I just write the 90s off to Consulting, the 80s off to learning and the 70s off to stoned. That leaves me just the last decade to work with, the only relevant stuff anyway! I can fit that summary into 1 page (ifI screw with the margins).
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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How on Earth did you get it down from TWO pages to THREE pages? Has the mathematical arrangement of the known universe gone crazily kaput?
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor
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Well, the two page thing was satirical comment, the honest effort to reduce the page count ended up at three pages.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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