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A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said....
"OK, I give up. Where's the damn ship?"
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Veni, vidi, vici.
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Old, but funny.
First told after the Titanic sunk I believe.
---------------------------------
Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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I forgot to add that Leslie Nielsen was the magician and the cruise ship was the Titanic! 
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> The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
[...]
> the cruise ship was the Titanic!
Something does not compute.
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A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife.
Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: What is her height?
Husband: I never checked.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, she can be healthy.
Inspector: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Inspector: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: Yes.
Inspector: Tell me the type color of the car ?
Husband: A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door.….and then the husband started crying...
Inspector: Don't worry sir,... . .We will find your car.
PS. If Leslie Nielsen was the Inspector, I apologize. 
PPS. The husband is not JSOP!![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.freetls.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
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JSOP likes Merican muscle cars, not something with a little class like an Audi
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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If the gal at the service center is cute, buy an Audi.
You'll be on a first name basis with her within a year.
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MehGerbil wrote: You'll be on a first name basis with her within a year.
Truth.
CPallini wrote: You cannot argue with agile people so just take the extreme approach and shoot him.
:Smile:
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I am stealing this!
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Obscurum per obscurius.
Ad astra per alas porci.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur .
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Vivic wrote: It has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions
Wow, who knew?
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Walk into the living room, and some thing zap past my head at eye height.
"That's odd" I thought. "Looked like a mouse."
It was: the cat was giving a rodent flying lessons. 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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How nice. Next the murderer will even show you the corpse. From the inside.
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It's all about how you train your cat
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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"No, really, officer. It's catnip."
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There are worse things an animal can do[^] 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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The little scientist built is first 'bat emulator'.
Veni, vidi, vici.
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Dij is such a good cat. He is not selfish, you can always see him help another living soul with something. For example teach a mouse to fly! We all should take example for interacting with other species.
You never know when you will need flying or swimming lessons
Yesterday I caught my cat fixing my sound cables behind my desktop pc. I wonder, how did he knew I had problems with them in the first place 
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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Argonia wrote: him help another living soul with something.
Ah...bad news on that front...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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OriginalGriff wrote: Ah...bad news on that front...
Not for him 
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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Lucky you; at least Dij still remembers his carnivorous, predatory origins.
I have an old house, so every summer we get a bat or two in the place. My four cats look at me like "Well? When are you going to deal with this?" 
Software Zen: delete this;
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There was a dead mouse outside our front door yesterday and I got the same deal from my girls. :sheesh:
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I get it from Herself...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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I must admit that our lone female cat does seem to remember a bit of her hunter's instincts. She found a mole on our porch last evening, and brought it in to play with it. It annoyed her to no end when I rescued the little critter and turned it loose outside.
Software Zen: delete this;
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